Just call me hopalong

( Looks round  cautiously)

No bunnies. Check.  No pans of hot water. Check.  No nasty, vindictive, creepy, insane mad woman. Check.

Fine, then I’ll begin.

Yesterdays wedding fair was hard work, mostly because I had to stand on one leg like a flamingo for most of it. Do you know that it really bloody hurts if you stand on one leg all day?

When I wasn’t standing on one leg I was hopping around like a large, mishapen and very inelegant one legged kangaroo.

You’re dying to ask, I know. Why did I stand on one leg and hop around all day?

Because my foot hurts, that’s why.   For no obvious reason, since Thursday afternoon the heel of my right foot has decided to hurt like stink, I can’t put any weight on it so I have to walk on the ball of that foot, which causes me to walk in a very peculiar way.  Allergic as I am to doctors, I think it might be time for a visit because it’s getting beyond a joke now.

Last night Bob wanted a decent meal for a change so he suggested we go to an Italian restaurant in the next village. The thought of putting on a pair of shoes and walking, even to the car, had me in tears but I reckoned that it would be worth it for a good steak so I pulled on my boots and hobbled out .  At the restaurant there was a parking space directly across from the door, ‘that was lucky’, I thought. I was a bit surprised when Bob sailed right past it and parked at the far end of the car park, as far away from the door as it was possible to get and still be in the car park. Cheers mate, I’ll do the same for you one day!

Filo wrapped prawns, fillet steak rossini, with a steak the size of a small house, and tiramisu made me feel much better. The tiramisu was good but not as good as N’s version made with Bailey’s.  I was almost cheerful by the time we left, hobbling to the door with people giving me the old, ‘look at the poor disabled woman’ look.

The snow had continued to fall all the time we were eating so that made the drive home interesting.  It might just be my opinion, it certainly isn’t the opinion of our local council, but I don’t think that gritters are a luxury item. I knew it was going to snow, why didn’t the council?  Maybe  they’re rationing the grit again. Tsk and phssshht!!!

The wedding fair was mobbed. Remember the fugly couple I told you about? They came back again with Mum this week, straight up to our stand saying, “This is the album I was telling you about, isn’t it lovely?’ Sounds like a buying signal to me. I don’t think they’ll ever win gorgeous couple of the year to be honest. I’m going to have my work cut out to make theses two look good.  Never mind, all work is good work. Well actually, no it’s not.

Major f*cking rant coming up now. I’ve been simmering gently for a couple of weeks on this and it won’t go away till I rant about it so look away now if you don’t want to read it.

Ggggrrrrrrr !!!!!!!!!

Why is it that ‘friends’ will take advantage of you and not even think twice about it. The number of times I get hints for free portrait sittings, discounts and ‘could you just…..”

No! I couldn’t sodding just – this is how I earn my living, you wouldn’t go to Sainsburys and ask them if ‘they could just’ give you a load of stuff for free.  No matter how much ‘friends and family’ discount I give people they want or take more. People demand, yes, demand, that I show them how I get my ‘signature look’ to my photos so they can make theirs look like that. Well pardon me, the clue is in the  word ‘signature’ find your own bloody signature look.  Teach me this, show me that, “Your print prices are too expensive, give (yes, give!!!!) me the photos on a disk and I’ll take them elsewhere to get them printed.”  WHAAAAAAATTT!!!!!!!!

Only last week a bride who I’d emailed low res proof images of her album to for approval,  lifted the images and put them on Facebook. My wrath descended swiftly and heavily on that one.

The latest one is my friends daughter who has recently had a baby. I did maternity photos for her for free as a gift. Next thing she phones wanting pictures of the sprog.  I did the shoot for free, heavily discounted the prints and then chased her round town because she hasn’t the intellect to follow directions and got herself horribly lost. JUST LISTEN YOU STUPID BINT!!!!!!

Round at her Ma and Pa’s last week, Pa was telling me how lovely the christening invitations look with that photo I took. “Excuse me?” I said bemused.  So he repeated what he’s said, clearly unaware that there was anything amiss. “Better not tell me any more.” I said quietly seething.  Eventually he picked up on my tone and left the subject and as a nice polite guest so did I.

Later that evening after we got home I got a call from  her Ma telling me that the girl didn’t think she’d done anything wrong and my prices were so expensive that she couldn’t afford to buy the images from me. The tone being that I was being unreasonable and greedy. Didn’t think she’d done any thing wrong?  There’s  a 2 x 3 inch sticker copyright sticker on the back of every photo stating quite clearly that IT MUST NOT BE REPRODUCED.  She knew bloody well what she was doing but didn’t expect to get caught out.

Honestly I feel like there are times when I could just lie down and let people pee all over me and they’d still complain they got their feet wet!

Rant over.

Today’s plan was to take E and C swimming. It’s not going to happen because B’s gone out in my car as it’s the only one that can deal with the weather and because I can’t walk. Babysitting this afternoon will be a challenge to say the least.

Here’s a pic of C’s (or maybe I should say E’s) cat after having all the jigsaw pieces piled up on her. She’s the most relaxed cat ever. My two could learn a thing or two from her.


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