No title

Can you have a title titled no title because that by definition means it has got a title.  Ok, I know I’m wittering, I’m discomknockerated, what a sodding day.

It was a great plan: Dancing followed by a facial to continue with the de-hagifying process I started yesterday by having a new haircut, followed by a nice, restful afternoon.

Well,  ding bleeding dong didn’t that plan fall apart in a big way.

Firstly, yesterdays haircut wasn’t so much a TOTAL restyle as I’d requested, more a trim really. It looks a bit more current but I really wanted it a bit funkier than I got, maybe I’ll go back with a photo and beat him round the head with it until he listens to me.  The colour is nice though, No more grey to give the game away about my impending big birthday which I’m really not looking forward to.

So, this morning, I left the house in  a mad rush to get to dancing, one frustrating hour of samba later, me and B are ready to kill each other as we both kept forgetting the most basic steps.  I even forgot  how to do a whisk which we were taught in lesson two………15 sodding years worth of lessons ago and we’ve been using it on a weekly basis ever since!!!!

After dancing I breezed into the office – and hit a brick wall of baaaaaaaaaad atmosphere.  Time for a sharp exit to C’s for a brew.  The baby has finally decided to have a go at this walking lark. At sixteen months it’s not before time, we were starting to get a bit worried about it.

A nice brisk walk with poochie and son P, which was a nice treat on its own as I never get him to myself these days, took me up to time for my long awaited facial and leg and eyebrow wax. When I booked I said I had two little milia that needed to come out,

Not having time to go home and change – I ended up turning up for my facial in my muddy dog walking clothes. Sigh. I used to be so elegant – what the hell happened? Oh yes, first photography as a career and then the dog – now I’m a permanent scruffbag!

Just remind me again why I thought it would be a good idea to get my legs waxed? I forget it hurts like stink.  She beautician finished my facial and then told me she’d leave me to get dressed. “What abut these milia,” I asked.  “Oh yes, I forgot. I can’t do that I’ll have to get someone else to do it.”

Two minutes later in walked this narky bint, clearly not impressed at having been interrupted from whichever nail she was filing.  I wouldn’t mind if I hadn’t mentioned it when I booked and again when I arrived. Tsk.

She put the light on and proceeded to set about my face with a scalpel. FOOK!!!!  No magnifier, no direct light, just a sodding scalpel!!

Now, for those who don’t know, the correct technique for removing milia is to gently break the surface of the skin with the scalpel and gently pop it out. I know this for a fact, I am a trained make up artist.  The stupid *%$£^*@ bint  dug a hole next to my eye and then squeezed like fookery.

My, that tingled a bit.

Then she declared she couldn’t get it so proceeded to slice a chunk out out my cheek to have a go at the other one – eventually deciding after much squeezing and poking that she couldn’t get that either.  All the time she was hacking away at my face I could feel her breath on my face, I couldn’t breath in without breathing in her expelled air. I held my breath for as long as I could but eventually I had to give in. Disgusting. Oh well, at least she hadn’t been on the garlic!  So, far from being de-hagified I now have two sodding great red marks on my face. Su-fooking-per!!

Have you had enough of my moaning yet?

Good because I haven’t finished – not by a long way.

When I got home I was exhausted. ‘I’ll have a kip for half an hour’, I decided – at exactly the same moment that the farmer next door decided to tear up and down the field in front of our house in his tractor spreading horse crap everywhere.  Giving up on the kip I got up and made my tea, homemade soup and bread. Very nice.

Then N phoned, he’s not moving in where he works for another week or so and is commuting till then. “Can I have a lift home?”  Sigh.  That turned into a one hour round trip thanks to the temporary traffic light causing total mayhem. It took us 20 minutes to drive half a mile.  We got home with just enough time for me to gather up my dog treats and poo bags and set off for doggie boot camp.

Boot camp was boisterous to say the least.  A couple of new recruits had a major scrap and one dog pulled the trainer straight onto her face. She’s a big bird to pull over, that must be one  strong pooch.  I’d have been inclined to have let go of the lead  – but hell, what do I know?

So there you are, that was today. Not the best day I’ve ever had.

B’s just surface from his computer/headphones combo. He’s working on a clients wedding dvd and he’s just had a rant about one of the pieces of music they’ve chosen to go on it.  Cheery little ditty, here’s an excerpt from it courtesy of sing

How do you know when it’s over
How do you know where did it all go wrong
Can I embrace the perfect stranger
How do you know and where did it all go wrong
Cause lately could you tell
I lost the only one
Could you tell

Stoke the funeral
So now it’s just me, myself and I

Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just to see me cryin’ (see me cryin’)
Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just because you can (because you can, yeah, yeah)
Cause you can

He he, clients, eh? You have to love ’em.


6 thoughts on “No title”

  1. Of course, the beauty of having to wear glasses means you can’t see whether or not you have milia around your eyes! Sorry you had such an appalling day, chuck, but the way you’ve described it has really given me a much needed chuckle!!!

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