I want this….no, that……….no, this, that, this, that


Sodding brides!!

I’ve been designing an album for one of this years brides, you remember the one – it’s the one who went nuts because her new MIL changed her shoes before the group shot and the bride asked me to photoshop the original shoes back in. Yeah, right. Get a life, missy.  Actually, I did change the colour of the shoes for her so they didn’t look quite so obvious.

I finished her album last week and emailed it for proofing.  Even if I do say so myself, it looked pretty smucking fart.

Next thing you know I’ve got an email back telling me that it won’t do at all, she doesn’t want borders, shadows or any kind of defining feature on ANY of the photos, they all have to flow into each other. “I don’t want to see a single straight line. And, I don’t like the colour for the pages.”

“What would you like them to be then?” I asked. ” I don’t know, just not that.”  On and on and on went the list of alterations.

She’s added photos, she’s taken away photos, wants the layout changed, basically it’s start from scratch and completely redesign the book, which, incidentally I was very careful to design as per her original specification.. Am I a happy Bunny?

I’d have to say not.

I knew this bride was going to be a tricky one but she’s exceeded all my expectations by a country mile.  I’ve already prewarned her that the next lot of alterations is going to cost.  So, I’ve spent the whole morning working on her album according to her new instructions and it looks like a bag of shit (pardon my French).  I’m just waiting for her to tell me to put it all back to the original. Just watch me reach for my calculator invoice pad when she does.

So, talking of bags of shit – lets discuss our septic tank. The chaps came and emptied it on Friday as you know. As far as I was concerned that was the end of it until a lorry trundled down our track yesterday evening. Out jumped the septic supervisor wearing his blue tooth headset which he obviously loves and thinks that it makes him look ever so cool (trust me – it doesn’t).

I noticed when he came last week and also yesterday that he bears an striking resemblance to my first husband both in looks and mannerisms. I had to work really hard not to dislike him just on that basis alone ( and the bluetooth earpiece).  Anyway, back to the plot, it turns out that the tank is in dire need of repair. Where the hell do you go for septic tank repairs? Do they even repair them, it it going to cost us a new tank? Oh no!!!!

The chap had made a point of coming back to tell us that the tank needed repair rather than just let us find out when we were paddling in poo Wasn’t that really nice of him? I was so impressed.  Having got the business out of the way  hahaa   ‘got the business out of the way’ – hahaaaa pun not intended but soooo funny – I’m still chuckling!!   Ahem.

Having got the business out of the way, and indulging him  in a bit of small talk as he didn’t seem keen to leave, it turns out that he is actually related to ex hubby.  Fancy that, there are two of the buggers after all!


Boofuls and me went out for a lovely Italian meal last night.  He ordered his normal steak and chips, as normal the steak turned up at the table still mooing. We can’t understand what is so difficult to understand about, “I’d like my steak medium please.” Maybe Boofuls should headbutt the waiter on every syllable while he’s ordering:  ME  –  DE  –  UM!! He might get the idea then and pass it on to the chef.

His dinner went back for more cooking, it was subsequently returned to a grumpy Boofuls who then declared it to be delicious (but the chips are boring!).  My meal was as normal very nice, smoked fish platter followed by cod in a ‘something I can’t remember the name of ‘and pesto sauce. Slurp.  One large and one small glass of wine later and I  was at peace with the world. So much at peace that I fell asleep in front of the telly about 8.30 and stayed there till Boofuls woke me with order to get to bed. That was the last I remember til 6.30 this morning.  This pot filling job at work is killing me off.

We spent all weekend working again. Sunday was hard because we were short of staff, no one likes to work on a Sunday do they? Neither do we but hey ho, needs must.

C drafted in Machine Gun and a couple of her other friends to come in and work, they were brilliant!  It made  a huge difference. The rumour mill tells me that Machine Gun is aching a bit today, he’s not used to physical work.  Bless.


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