It is of course the time of year for big nights out. Lashes and Len went on a big night out to Manchester to see Deadmau5 it’s not the kind of stuff Lashes listens to at all, she’s more of a Marilyn Manson type of girl but she’d bought the tickets for Len as an early Christmas present.
The big day dawned, Lashes was ill, Len was ill, neither of them really wanted to go but they’d paid for the tickets and the hotel and apparently this deadmau5 is brilliant so Baby Bunting stayed at my house overnight while they dragged themselves off to this much hyped event.
Around 10.00 pm it pops up on Facebook from Lashes, and I quote; “I’m covered in piss and it isn’t even my own.” WHAAAAT?
Shortly after that I got a phone call saying they were back in their hotel room eating their home made cheese sandwiches and were going to call it a night. WHAAAAATTT?
Dear God, when Boofuls and me were that age (hold on – Boofuls and me didn’t know each other when we were that age). When Boofuls and me were both separately that age we would both have been out till 3 in the morning ( and only then because in those days night clubs closed at 2 am ) slept for a couple of hours and then got up for work.
Once i got the full story I think it’s a case of (whisper it) that Lashes and Len have actually outgrown this type of night out without realising it. The only drinks on offer were Bacardi Breezer, lager and cider. Tells you a bit abut the audience demographic, eh? Hoardes of teenagers, lots of alchohol, sounds like fun. Not.
The trouble with cider and lager is that it does rather addle the brains and the bladders of young people fairly quickly so in their drunken state the best course of option when faced with the dilemma of needed a wee and holding an empty bottle is to pee in the bottle. Hhhmm What to do withe the now full bottle? Fling it into the crowd, of course! And that is exactly what was happening.
The big man, or should I say mouse, was almost hidden behind a screen with his big mouse head on so he could hardly be seen. Can’t say I blame him to be honest, I’d hide behind a screen if I was having pee thrown at me.
Lashes was desperate for a decent wine bar to go in but unfortunately being covered in the urine of several strangers doesn’t generally fit the dress code in your average manchester wine bar so back to the hotel it was where they dosed themselves up on their respective remedies, got in their jammies and slippers and settled down with a mug of cocoa. Rave on!
The second big night out was mine: The Doggy Do Dinner.
Appropriately enough it was held at The Dog Inn. Most of the female residents of the metropolis of Cranberry Bottoms went on the dinner so it made sense to go in one car. I had nil intention of driving so Boofuls stepped in as chauffuer for the evening, dropping us all of and picking us up later, all for no god reason as it turned out as one of our group didn’t touch a drop all night.
Why didn’t she offer to bloody drive then?
So, I’d been expecting a long table, a bit of conversation with new friends, a few new faces. Oh no. None of that. We were all sat on small tables and stayed with the group we arrived with. Let me tell you in no uncertain terms I would absolutely not have chosen to sit with the mad dog woman from up the road. Apart from the fact that even when she’s scrubbed up she smells of dog poo she is just barking mad and we nothing in common. She doesn’t even go to the dog club it’s her daughter who does that – and she’s lovely.
It was a long, boring and expensive night. The topic of conversation didn’t once veer away from dogs. Excuse me, I don’t want to talk about insemination techniques while I’m eating, ok?
Next year I think I’ll give it a miss.
The next big night out is Boofuls’ boys night out on Thursday. Best bib and tucker will be required for the stupidly early start of 4.30. I’ll be returning the driving favour and dropping him off and picking him up again after. I sincerely hope his night out is more successful than the other two have been.
After that it’s the Christmas wind down for work, hopefully, and gearing up for the celebrations. The tree, you’ll be glad to know is now bedecked to within an inch of it’s life, branches groaning with the weight of all the decorations I put on it. In the end I opted for my favourite copper colour scheme on the tree. I’m still working on the purple and gold for the dining room.
Ok, chat over, work time. have a nice day.