My ego is suffering now

Right. That’s it. My ego is officially bruised and it’s all Mrs Brown’s fault. Well, actually, it’s all my fault for posting the stupid clip from the programme.

People flocked to see it, flocked, I say. The blog stats went through the roof, by my standards, anyway. I was thrilled.  “Look how many people have been to visit.” I’d yell delightedly to Boofuls who’d just nod smilingly, humouring me.

Now however,  Mrs Brown has past her peak, the blog stats have dropped like a stone and are still falling- and I don’t like it.

Which leads me to my dilemma.  Do I want a few, loyal and interested readers or do I want traffic?  My ego says it wants traffic.

I could post brilliant Youtube clips every day and keep the ratings high.

Then it’s not my blog is it?

Then I’m just regurgitating the work of other, more talented people than me for the sake of getting lots of hits. Oh, what a dilemma.  Post my own ramblings and have far fewer readers or post Youtube clips and have high ratings.

Either way my ego gets a kicking. Poor ego.

What a pity I don’t have anything more important to occupy my mind today. If that’s as bad as it gets then I’m doing ok, eh?

Actually, I have  do have more important issues but I’m avoiding them.  I’m going for the full on head in the sand approach to issue avoidance for now.

Which brings me to my next issue.

Every now and then I get a bit concerned about this blog business. Keeping a diary online for the world to see? It’s alright when it’s all light and fluffy. Share a laugh, tell an amusing story to bring a smile to another person’s face, that’s dead easy, but what about the times when I’m hurting or angry when it’s very personal?

Those times are much, much harder to write about. I’ve had personal issues with people reading about my traumas and heartaches, inwardly digesting them and then moving on without so much as a comment, a virtual pat on the shoulder or anything. It sometimes feels a bit I’m courting a  voyeur. I know you’re there, you know I know you’re there but we turn a blind eye to each other,  both getting something out of it but it just feels a bit wrong. Wrong to the point that I find it harder and harder to explore my deepest, darkest thoughts here.

Then. An epiphany.

Yesterday I was reading a blog. The writer is clearly going through a tricky and painful time at the moment. I would have liked nothing better than to leave a comment to say I felt for them but could I find the words? Nope.  Did I feel like it would have been intrusive? Yup. So I said nothing.

Suddenly, the lack of commentary  on my blog that I have found quite hurtful in the past made complete sense to me. What on earth can one possibly say when someone you don’t know is working through huge issues in their life without sounding trite, nosy or patronising?

So from now on feel free to comment  – or not.

I know you’re there, you know I know you’re there. Everyone’s happy.

As for Mrs Brown, she can stay in Ireland.


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