Absolutely shocking!

In view of my rapidly burgeoning figure I’ve had to go and invest in a few new clothes.

It’s always been the case with me that whle I do put weight on fairly evenly all over, not all on my thighs or  bum like some poor unfortunate souls, I do tend to get even larger in my already ample chest department. Buxom isn’t in it, I’m starting to look like Chesty Morgan.

Chesty Morgan

Source: http://s28.photobucket.com/albums/c241/HawkeEyes/?action=view&current=l_11f1ad5c02a2a79963fa7b5154c02b16.png&&newest=1

Some (all) of my tops have somehow all shrunk and become crop tops and more that a little tight fitting. I’ve been in great danger of taking someone’s eye out with these enormous chesticles. Middle aged  to elderly men  walk past me  and get distracted  as their eyes lock on to my boobies.  It’s clear that and all thinking or sense leaves them as they get a dreamy look in their eyes until CLANGGGGGG!! there they are face first into a lamp post.

So, in order to prevent all the unwanted attention and to restore a little dignity to to my  attire I decided a few new items were in order while the war on middle aged spread continues.

This particular war on weight is proving harder than it ever has in the past to win, gone are the days when the mantra of, ‘eat less, move more’ for a couple of weeks did the job.

I’m determined though so I didn’t want to spend a lot on clothes.

“Let’s go to Matalan,” says Gembolina, “they’ve got loads of really nice summer clothes in.”

Matalan? Really? I’m not a snob – honest, but Matalan?  Oh well, I suppose it’s better than forking out a fortune on clothes I hope won’t fit me for long.

So we did  go to Matalan – and they did have loads of nice summer clothes in.

They had some brilliant linen trousers, a real bargain. I’d have paid loads more for them. I also managed to get a couple of nice tops to wear to tide me over.

Since I’ve been wearing them I’ve noticed odd happenings. With one of them in particular.

Every time I wear it  I get shocks off every piece of electrical equipment I touch!

Turn the printer on – ZAP!  Turn the telly on – ZAP!!  Kettle? ZAP!!

And it’s not just limited to electrical equipment. Getting in the car is a risky business, as is giving poor Boofuls a kiss,  we’re both likely to feel sparks but in the wrong way. It bloody hurts!

It doesn’t half make for a long and tedious day when you’re frightened to touch anything in case you get a static jolt from it.

Bloody man made fibres!!  I’m thinking that particular top might not have been the bargain I thought it was.

Right, I’m off to get my low carb breakfast. A woman on the Wednesday walk told me that for ‘women of a certain age’ a low carb diet is the future. We’ll see.

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