Tip of the day parts one, two, three and four:
1. When out walking with the dog and attempting to climb over a wire fence while carrying a bag of poo and the dog’s neck cone, make sure that there are no hidden stones to make you lose your balance, get your leg caught in said wire fence and fall straight into a bed of nettles.
2. Having actually taken the plunge and fallen into the bed of nettles, the first thing you must do after landing is jump to your feet and look round and establish that no one saw you.
3 . When falling into a bed of nettles, try not to be wearing thinnish leggings at the time as the aforementioned nettles will not only sting you straight through them but bits of nettle will embed themsleved in them and continue to sting you for many hours until you’re in a position to change your clothes.
4. In the absence of dock leaves to rub on nettle stings, try saliva. Don’t try this if it involves removing leggings in full view of a main road – you may get arrested.
I hope you find these handy tips useful.