I thought I’d fallen asleep in the milking shed the other night. There I was trying to get my much needed beauty sleep (I don’t keep these youthful good looks by being kept awake all night listening to mooing, you know) when I was continually being woken up by the sounds of the farmyard. Once I’d woken up properly I was quite amused by the various animal noises coming from Boofuls’ direction.
He’d obviously decided to give his ‘farmyard’ selection of snores a practice as he’d not used them for a while.
MmmmmmmOOOOOOOO. MmmmmOOOOOOOOOOO. MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO Grunt grunt snort
On and on it went. Eventually it stopped being funny to listen to and I gave him a dig in the ribs and a ‘SHUDDUP!”
Well. He stopped mooing in mid moo and turned it into the perfect Peppa Pig snort. Then he woke himself up a bit, just a bit, not so much as to be totally alert.
I took that as my opportunity to get rid of him:
“Go and sleep next door.”
“Aw. Noooooo. In a minute”, he said as he snuggled back down to sleep.
“No. Not in a minute”, I said in my stern voice, ” Now. Go on, I need some kip.”
He sighed heavily. Got out of bed, walked over to the windows and threw them both wide open.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
” You told me to open the window.” Then he started to fiddle with the curtains, twitching them backwards and forwards like a nosy old biddy pretending to straighten them while spying on the neighbours.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NOW?” I squealed, totally bemused and amused by his shenanigans.
“Well” he asked me clearly irritated at my unreasonable attitude, ” what do you want me to do then ”
I answered him very slowly and clearly like I was talking to a chld. “I want you to go and sleep next door,” I said while making little shooing movements with my hand. “Now go on.”
He looked at me with incredulity and in his most scathing voice asked,’ Are you serious?”
By now the tears of laughter were pouring down my face.
“Not next door at the neighbour’s house, I mean next door in the spare room.”
By now he’d woken up properly, probably because of my howls of laughter. He picked up his dressing gown and left, mumbling to himslef that it wasn’t that funny.
Oh, it was Boofuls, it really was. I’ve paid money to see shows not as funny as that.
The following morning he didn’t remember a single thing about it.