Some days I really wish I wasn’t a woman.

Today is my long dreaded mammogram day.

I’ve been doing a bit of research on the  internet and found a website that offers advice on how to prepare for it and a few useful exercises.  I’ve been doing them, along with my zumba fitness routine for a couple of weeks now. Here are my favourite three mammogram exercises:

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the
door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first
time wasn’t effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is
just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the
floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a
friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently
flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a
stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your
breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an
appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

 

 

I’m sure they’re all going to stand me in good stead today.  Spare me a comforting thought around 10.00 a.m.

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