I’m never going to get to heaven

With all the lies I’ve told over the last couple of weeks I’m likely to get the door  slammed in my phizog when I trap up at the pearly gates.

I’m not terribly good at lying. Actually, I’ll change that. I obviously am good at lying because I’ve got away with it for the last few weeks but as an essentially very honest person I’m not terribly comfortable with it.

So why have I been lying through my teeth for the last few weeks?

Gembolina’s birthday, that’s why.

The Rev, Lashes and me cooked up a plan to give her a surprise 30th birthday party.   The Rev, being an even worse liar than I am, pretty much left Lashes and me to our own devices as we plotted, schemed and planned the party, working on the basis that if he didn’t know anything he couldn’t give anything away.  Casual comments  and cakes I’d seen at recent wedding sparked conversations with Gembolina about our perfect birthday cakes. Ha! Gotcha! I must admit I was a bit surprised when she told me about her perfect cake. Little, shy Gembolina?!

Lashes did the bulk of the work, ringing round venues, arranging menus and making the magnificent eye watering cake. I just organised the guest list and told lies.

A totally ficticious engagement party was cooked up by yours truly. There was a teeny semblance of truth to the story, the neighbour’s daughter,  (Miss Yappy’s family) has just got engaged.

I used the very successful, never fail,  emotional blackmail technique:  ‘I really think we should go at least for an hour to show willing’ to counter any ‘don’t fancy it’ cropping up.

Admittedly I had to do all this bit by text as I didn’t think I could carry it off face to face.  We even sent her out to buy an engagement card to add extra verisimilitude to the story.

I avoided Gembolina all last week, dropping Miss Woofy off at the house with a cheery, “Here’s the dog. See ya!”  as I  scuttled back to the car before invitations for coffee were issued. My nerves have been in tatters.

The venue was was where she and The Rev got married. A pretty little place deep in the woods next to the river. The weather was perfect, warm(ish) and dry. The planned bouncy castle, another item on Gembolina’s perfect party wish list, failed to show up but that was the only thing that went wrong and as she didn’t know about it anyway (we think) she wasn’t disappointed.

Here re a few photos from the evening. Don’t expect professional quality – the camera was being passed around all night and there was lots of alcohol involved.

What's going on?

Didn’t she look terrified? When they arrived she opened the door a bit, saw people she didn’t expect to see and stood there frozen like a rabbit in the headlights. Poor Gem.

Mum? What....?


Gembolina and The Rev
Classy cake


No jokes about 'blowing', please
Oh dear, 'nuff said


Group shot
Me Boofuls and Kev
Oh my God! A picture of Big N!


Group hug
Irish jig
Don't be mean to your brother!

I loved how everyone, young and ahem, older, joined in and had fun together. What a brilliant night. I think it was worth all the lies. Do you think I might get past the pearly gates because all the lies were in a good cause?



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