I’d better start polishing

Occasionally, I pick up my business phone just to check that it’s still working. I sit next to it for hours and hours which turn into days and days when it doesn’t ring. Well, not till I leave the room to go for a pee …. ahem, I mean until I find myself indisposed, then the bugger’ll ring alright.

One such occasion was yesterday. I quickly ran back downstairs to attempt to catch the caller  and avoid committing that heinous business crime of  letting the phone ring  more than three times before answering it or  the answering machine kicking in.

It infuriates me when I’ve dashed downstairs, leapt off the last three steps while holding onto the bannister,  thus gaining  momentum  enabling me to swing round the corner and land on the ground running, skidded across the tiles in the dining room, jumped over the cat who stands there not knowing which way to run and thinking he’s just about to die as I career towards him at a rate of knots, tripped over the office chair which is invariably in the way and  made a lunge for the phone to  get  there just as the machine answers and the caller  hangs up, leaving me to hastily and breathlessly dial 1471 to get a ‘the caller withheld their number’ message. Gaaaahhhhh!!

Who needs to go to a gym when you can have exercise as good as that at home?

Still, at least this particular caller left a message. It was only the a local business organisation wanting me to do a talk at the International Women’s  Day event in March!

Oh my Gawd!

How many years since I last did any public speaking?  At least eight. In those days I was talking about personal presentation skills, stuff I had been very well trained in –  and I knew my subject inside out. Easy peasy.

This time they want me to do an inspirational talk for the business women of tomorrow. Crap!

Oh well, I’ve got a month to make something up do my research and put together a well informed, interesting and entertaining speech. I’d better set to polishing up my public speaking skills. I’ll start now with some of the elocution and enunciation exercises  my Mum used to drum into us when we were kids.


How now brown cow.  Unfortunately, with a strong Lancashire accent it sounds more like;  Ti reet y ‘ewd  cew?

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain,  or more coloquially:   T’ rain i’ t’ Spain falls mainly o’ t’ plain (don’t forget to flatten all the A’s until they’re pancake shaped ).

Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran. or:  Rahnd  yon rugged rocks t’ scruffy bastid  legged it.

Don’t forget to practice regularly!

Can you hear that slight whirring noise? That’s my Mum spinning in her grave faster than a large hadron collider.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,  it’s been an interesting weekend for the clingons.

All three of them did their dance exams yesterday. Munki was the youngest one ever to do an exam at the ripe old age of three years and two months. Aaaw, she did the birdie dance and by all accounts did a pretty good job of it as well. We’d all been thinking that she’d refuse to perform or just walk off the dance floor when she’d had enough or have a tantrum. The potential for disaster was enormous but on the day she pulled it out of the hat and performed beautifully. Batty and Dangerous went along in the afternoon to dance with her after having done their exams in the morning.

Everyone was feeling pretty pleased with themselves so I’m looking forward to seeing high marks and good feedback. As for Boofuls and me, having completely lost our enthusiasm for dancing when our teacher became ill, we have finally booked a lesson with his co teacher because  not dancing was just leaving too big a hole in my life and I couldn’t stand it any longer. Dance teacher himself has made an amazing recovery and is now regaining his health and his strength at a rate far faster than anyone would ever have believed possible.  Welcome back to the land of the living, Teach.


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