I shamelessly stole this from Sanjaygora. Enjoy.
· Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
· Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
· Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
· Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
· Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
· Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
· Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
· Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
· Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
· Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
· Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
· Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist
– source internet