“Your blog’s rubbish.”
I used to love reading your blog and now you never post anything. It’s been weeks”
Excuse me. It’s been about two days”
That was the conversation on the way home from an event I was exhibiting at last night. Lashes had come along to help, since it was a women’s event and Boofuls was a bit surplus to requirements, and very grateful I was too. My little Grasshopper is learning fast.
So. For my legions of bloggie fans. That’s if you can have a legion of one, here is a special post for you:
While I’m busily telling the universe that this is our year and that the buyer for our house will be stepping round the corner in just a few more days, I’m continuing with the economy drive. Finding myself in Sainsbury’s the other day having a mooch through the reduced items as I really love a bargain, I found one of those movement sensitive air fresheners that are supposed to look a Henry Moore sculpture hewn from sandstone but actually looks like a lump of browny plastic. The idea, if you’re not familiar with these things, is that when it senses movement it spits out a bit of air freshener. It’s a bit insulting if you think about it, every time you walk past it basically tells you that you stink and need a squirt. It might as well have an inbuilt megaphone screaming, “YOU STINK, GET A BATH YA DIRTY SOD!” as you walk by.
Anyway, back to the plot. Since it was reduced from £12 to £6 it was obviously a bargain. I’ve never felt the need to buy one before but then they’ve never been £6 before. Once I got home with it I spent the next hour walking round the house deciding where to put it.
Eventually I decided on the bath in the bathroom. Lovely.
Not in the middle of the night, anyway.
In the middle of the night when walking into the bathroom you realise it has the most annoying yellow flashing light on it that isn’t visible during the day – and that isn’t even the worst of it.
Imagine, dear reader, that you’ve stumbled, bleary eyed into the bathroom during the night for a wee. You open the door and walk in – to hear the caw of an angry crow right behind you followed by the hiss of a large and malevolent snake.
“WHAT THE F……… ???”
It’s a good job I was already in the bathroom for reasons I probably don’t need to elaborate on. Lets just say it’s a good thing the toilet was close by. Frights like that I do not need in the middle of the night, thank you. Once I recovered my equilibrium, I continued with the task in hand.
Not feeling the need to close and lock the door when I can hear the rest of the household joining in a chorus of snores, I settled down for my wee, laughing quietly to myself at being scared shitless by an air freshener. Next think I know, the bathroom door decided to close itself. SQQQUUEEEEAAAKKKK, GRROOANNN. It sounded like something off a horror film. AARRRGGH!!!
Heart pounding, pulse racing, it really was a good thing I was already on the toilet or there could have been a very nasty result.
Honestly, It takes nerves of steel to carry out a nocturnal bathroom visit in this house. I really must get Boofuls to oil that door.