You may or may not have noticed but in the last few months my normal cheery disposition has been taking a bit of a knock and fallen victim to some nasty but thankfully short lived bouts of depression. Living on a financial knife edge for years took it’s toll, all I could think about was the worst case scenario – on any subject. The future looked bleak no matter how I looked at it.
Tears, palpitations, headaches and an inability to cope with anything more complex than writing my name had all become every day occurrences. I hadn’t realised how bad it had got until one of the staff caught me crying in the office. “I always used to think you were high on drugs, you are always so cheerful. I’m not used to you being upset.” It made me smile through my tears to think that the staff have me pegged as a nutcase who’s as high as a kite on drugs most of the time.
Just high on life, baby. High on life. Most of the time, anyway.
That was a couple of weeks ago and since then things have got much better. While I was out walking with Velcrodog the other day I was enjoying the warmth (yes, actual warmth!) of the sun on my face, the view across to the coast which was spectacular, the sky was a clear, bright azure blue, the birds were singing and for the first time in ages I felt like I didn’t have a care in the world.
Ok, all the usual worries were still there but somehow they’d become much less significant. In their place was a profound sense of gratitude for all of the good things I have in my life.
I suppose it was a bit of a spiritual moment. It was certainly intense. As I walked the tears began to well again but this time it was because of the feeling of gratitude I felt when I realised all of the things I have to be grateful for. Here are just some of them:
I have a husband who still loves me and is still my best friend after all these years
A family who drive me mad, make me laugh and of which I am immensely proud.
A roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.
Enough money to live on – I preferred being rich but hey ho, we have enough.
We live in a beautiful place with amazing countryside literally on our doorstep.
Good neighbours – apart from ‘Screamer’ who screams at her dogs and can be heard a quarter of a mile away.
Good health (ish in Boofuls’ case).
Good and loyal friends.
There, that’s not a bad list to be going on with, is it?
Excuse me now, I have to go and do the gratitude dance.