The post I don’t want to write

This is the one I’ve been avoiding all week. The post that makes me fill up with tears every time I think about writing it.

Of course, I have to do it if I’m to fulfil my commitment to myself about documenting the events of daily life to preserve the memories that we create every day.

The trouble with documenting things for posterity is that by the very nature of life some will be happy memories, some will evoke an emotion and some, like this one will cause the tears to fall.

Where to start? I’ll keep it in chronological order and I’ll start at my cousin Ann’s wedding in late 2012.

Just six weeks after her mother had died. Everyone put on a brave face and  chatted, sang, danced and  made the best of the celebration even though the tragic loss of the bride’s Mum to cancer was the massive elephant in the room.  

At that wedding the brides sister, Hilary confided to me that she also had cancer but was hopeful about beating it.

My poor uncle just spent the day looking lost and forlorn. Every now and then he’d take a photograph out of his pocket and  stare at it.

Last Saturday Hilary married the love of her life.  A lovely chap who we’d met for the first time at Ann’s wedding.

The marriage took place on a special licence. They were married in the hospice with only a few close family members present. I’m sure you can join the dots.

While we were all happy for them it was heavy with sadness as we all knew that they’d only have a short time together.

Then on Tuesday, Boofuls took an early morning phone call to say that his brother had sadly passed away.

It wasn’t unexpected, he’s been ill for some time, hence our many trips to Devon in the last few months. Isn’t it funny though? Even though you know it’s coming it still hits you like a sledgehammer.  I’m not sure it’s possible to prepare yourself for someones death.

As deaths go it was as nice as it can be, lying in his own bed with his wife’s arms around him as he slipped away.

Boofus and I are going down to Devon on Tuesday for his funeral. On the way back we planned to pop in to see my cousin.

About an hour ago I got a phone call to say that Hilary had died.

Eight days after her wedding and two weeks short of her fortieth birthday.

I can’t find any more words.


12 thoughts on “The post I don’t want to write”

  1. How very sad – I’m sorry. It’s 2 years today that my father passed away; over the course of our life there are so many posts we don’t want to write.

    1. You’re right. I bet there are times it feels like your Dad passed yesterday, aren’t there? It’s ten years since my Mum passed and I still miss her like mad.

  2. It’s three months for me that my mum passed away. We were best friends. I am so sorry! Hugs and I know it will take time to heal. When we get older, it seems like life goes by quicker and there are so many losses. Thinking of you Lesley.

    1. Thank you, Drew. I’m so sorry about your Mum. It’s ten years since my Mum passed away and I still think about her and miss her every day.

  3. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Sadly death is an inevitable part of life but equally it reinforces how very special each of these people were because if they weren’t how could they be missed and mourned so deeply?

    1. Thank you, Annabelle. Even though it’s been a very sad time there has been a silver lining. We have been away with our children for a couple of days and seen family we only ever see at funerals and weddings and it’s always nice to catch up. well, it was nice to see some of them 😀

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