My dear brother. Heh. You’d laugh if you read that. Then you’d ask me what I was after.
It’s already been four days since you left us. Four days in which our lives have been turned upside down. How has that time gone so quickly? It’s going too fast.
I don’t want the time to go by because in no time at all it will be a month since you passed and then year and then ten years.
It’s a really bizarre thing. Although our hearts are breaking, life is going on as normal. The dog still needs a walk, jobs need to be done, the postman still turns up wanting a banter and because I don’t want to be rude I’ll banter back. It’s an unreal reality, it feels like a dream. Can’t anyone else see that nothing is normal any more?
I want to be back at your bedside, stroking your hair and telling you I love you. It’s just too hard to let you go yet. I know that he kindest thing, was to let you go, your life would have been intolerable to you had you survived.
I should gain some comfort from that, but I’m not. Not yet.
Time just needs to stand still for a while and let I feel every stab of the pain of your loss because the depth of pain I’m feeling means that you are still close to us.
As time passes, the memory of you will fade along with the pain we are feeling right now and I’m not ready for that. Rick, can you just get someone to stop the world for a little while? Just for a little while, till I’m ready to move forward again.