A nice day out at the Crem

I can’t remember if I’ve posted about this previously but if I have then just ignore me and put it down to senility and tiredness. I’ve been up half the night with Douggie the doggie and I’m so tired I’m feeling  rather spaced out. People pay good money for this feeling and I’ve got it for free courtesy of the dog. I could put all the drug dealers in town out of business by just hiring my dog out to drug users on a night when he’s having one of his ‘episodes’. Three hours of nocturnal running up and down after an epileptic dog in the early hours and trying to work out what to do for the best should do the trick.

So now, while I’m at the start of a busy day and can’t really go back to bed, Douggie is flat out on the floor catching up on his lost zzzzzzz’s. Lucky bugger, I wish I could do the same. I wouldn’t even mind if it was on the floor, anywhere would do.

Anyway,  Back to the title. What’s all this about the crem?

Well. Boofuls and I have a very good friend who just happens to be a funeral director. Funny chap, he has the kind of black humour you’d expect from a man with his job. I took some photos of  some coffins for him a while back and we spent the whole time laughing our socks off. I’ll call him Hugh because that’s his name.

Hugh told us that there was going to be an open day at our local crematorium. There would be a few stands from which various funeral directors would be displaying their wares and you could also have a tour of the facility. Boofuls of course with his love of cemeteries, which I’ve told you about before, thought this would be a bloody marvellous day out.

Bear in mind that this was about three weeks after my brother had been taken to that very crematorium and you’ll understand why I was rather less inclined to see the fun in a backstage tour of the local crem.

The day arrived. “Are we going then?”  Boofuls asked me. “If you like.”  I mean, how bad could it be, it’s not like my brother was still in there, was it?  I have to admit that a little part of me was quite interested. It’s the photographer in me, you see. It makes me very nosy and I just love being allowed to go into places that no one else can. Not really the case with this as the very name ‘Open Day’ kind of implies that it’s not private but hey ho, you get the idea.

Just as we were about to set off Boofuls looked at me like he’d just had a really good idea. “Do you think the girls would like to go?” by ‘girls’ he meant of course our grandchildren aged eleven and fifteen.

I stood and looked at him in amazement. “No love. I don’t think they’d like to go. I can’t imagine anything they’d less like to do and that includes putting pins in their eyes. It’d give them nightmares for the rest of their lives.” I think I should have a chat to Boofuls about what teenage girls consider to be entertainment and what they don’t. maybe I could do it as a flow chart with ‘Is this entertainment?’ at the top.

He looked at me a bit crestfallen but he soon recovered. As the crematorium is just outside one of our nicest parks we thought we’d take Douggie the doggie along for a walk after the tour.

To be fair, it was very interesting. I’m not sure what the chap who worked there was about to say at one point but our friend Hugh jumped in very quickly and cut him off before he said it by stating that my brother had recently been through the process. At this point the chap coughed and changed the subject quickly. I’m curious.

Anyway, moving on. I saw the very burner they put my brother in and also the grinder they put his bones in. See. I didn’t know they did that. I’d always thought that you just ended up as a big pile of ash.

After the tour we stood round chatting for a while with Hugh and his staff as well as a couple of the other funeral directors.Yes, it was THAT busy. I collected Douggie from the car and of course he immediately became the centre of attention. “Make him dance” says Hugh. “Is that appropriate in this environment?” I enquired. “Yeah, make him dance, it’ll cheer us right up.”

So make him dance I did. Before I knew it a small crowd had gathered. It was the busiest it had been all day up there and Hugh took advantage of the extra people by ushering them in to receive his finest sales patter. That man is multi talented.

We went off for our walk and a bacon butty in the park cafe and Hugh managed to do a roaring trade in advance bookings.

So that was it. A day out at the crem. What’s your most unusual day out?


12 thoughts on “A nice day out at the Crem”

  1. O.O That is my exact expression after reading this. To be honest I would have loved to have gone to a crem open day when I was 11 but then had night mares for ever. At fifteen I think I would have thought it was creepily cool! Somethings though, people just aren’t meant to know ;0)

    1. You know what, Chrissie? I think you and my daughter and you would have got on famously as teenagers. She would have thought it was cool as well. It really wasn’t cool though. In fact it was hot, hot, hot Bwwwaaahhaaaaa!!!

    1. We saw one chap clutching his funeral planner and beaming with delight as he knew exactly what was going to happen to him. It was certainly a day out with a difference, Christine.

  2. So! You just gave me a memory trigger. When I was young > early teenager, my girlfriend’s father worked at the crem. All my hair ribbons were supplied courtesy of abandoned floral tributes.

      1. Pragmatic is a good stance to take. I should try it sometime, it might be better than the drama queenery I normally adopt.

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