I need a longer rope

Y’see, I’m right at the end of mine so I need a longer one.

Boofuls and I must have royally pissed off the Gods at some point in a previous life and we aren’t half paying for it now. Im generally quite a sunny natured and positive person. People comment about how I’m always smiling and how my positive attitude is a breath of fresh air. Well. They used to.

Now as soon as I pick myself up and dust myself off from another traumatic event and think ‘Well, life’s not that bad. We’ve got such a lot to be grateful for’,  the universe thinks, hang on a minute, we can’t be having that and dumps another load of celestial shit on our shoulders.

These days I seem to be walking round with a permanent black cloud over my head. They tell me that adversity is character building. Yes, well, I have enough character now, thank you.

So what are this weeks offerings?

Well, I can’t share that with you. All I can do is rant a bit so here goes:

Well first the effing ^%d*ka)K* &^*hjGHJJJJJskgjsegfv  goes and 1jdddf%4 and then @lo%^l*aja(TT and to cap it all the bloody effing£G^hha7&*  only goes and *TH&%Dcdjf%$ can you effing believe it?!  and don’t even get me started on effing @f!fstaa%)^&%CB*! You couldn’t make this stuff up!

Not that our nerves are frayed or anything at the moment but we ended up arguing earlier about the sat nav giving the wrong directions. Ha! I accidentally typed ‘sat nag’ then. That’s more like it.  For someone who’s meant to be good at directing people from A to B she’s rubbish. Doesn’t even know her left from her right. I bet she’s blonde. I can say that because I’m a natural blonde so that negates any perceived ‘blondism’. There we were in the car listening to her saying “Your destination will be on your left.”  when I’m looking at it on my bloody right! For Gawd’s sake!

Anyway. I bet you’re wondering why I’m up at four in the morning. No?

Well I’m going to tell you anyway.

I was cold. We went to bed. Well. I went to bed, Boofuls hobbled to bed with his nice new frog green cast on his leg. We settled down to sleep and I thought, I’m cold. I shouldn’t have been cold as we have the lovely, thick winter weight duvet on. I put on my warm nightie. I’m still cold. I lay there shivering, teeth chattering while Boofuls gently snored and twitched. Eventually I got up and put on my warm woolly socks and fleecy dressing gown. Still I lay there with my teeth literally chattering. I rolled myself up in the duvet like a sausage roll and willed myself to get warm. Then I noticed that Boofuls was fast asleep half uncovered, obviously not cold and perfectly comfortable. I don’t think I’m well. I’ve spent the last two days sniffling, sneezing and coughing. Good grief! I don’t have time to be ill! Don’t you know how busy I am? I’ve got absolutely everything to do while Boofuls is laid up with his broken leg.

So, there I lay in my sausage roll, listening to Boofuls snore while I counted sheep, visualised all sorts of stuff and tried every other trick I could think of to get to sleep. The trouble was that I couldn’t slow my thoughts down enough  to actually catch one and think it before it whizzed away on that merry go round in my head. Fairly soon I realised that my teeth had stopped chattering and the goosebumps had subsided. I’d warmed up. Yay!

Still sleep eluded me. I’m hungry. I’m really hungry. No I’m not. Go to sleep. Who gets hungry at this time for God’s sake? I’m really hungry. Sigh. Just bloody get up and have a snack. Some warm milk and a banana ( and a waffle ) should do the trick and lull me to sleep. An hour later, I’m still here. Exhausted. Thoughts whizzing, heart racing, shivering, sweating and generally feeling like crap. But on the positive side at least I’m not hungry! *Ducks to avoid celestial shit.*


6 thoughts on “I need a longer rope”

  1. Oh you poor thing! I supose it is that time of year when most likely to catch a cold. Borrow some of my optimism: At least it’s a cold kind of cold and not a flu type fever which is warmer but more dangerous. I have the random thought wizzy round thing every night and it helps to concentrate on your breathing (or your partners snoring!) everytime a thought occurs. Hope you feel better soon xx

  2. Shivering when trying to sleep is impossible. I’m on “this” side of 50 and chills is a PMS symptom. Wondering if I’ll ever get to “that” side of 50 so maybe these chills will stop? Hehehe.

    You better not be sick! You’re too far away for me to deliver some wor won ton soup.

    1. I sincerely hope you do get to the other side of 50!! AS for the PMS chills, they’ll change from chills to furnaces. You’ll never be cold! 😀

      It did turn out that I was ill, I’ve been coughing and spluttering for a day or two. Lots of vitC magnesium, honey and lemon seems to be doing the trick. Even so, I really think you should come and bring me some soup.

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