That was what popped up when I was casting about on the daily prompt for something to write about. Wow! That’s deep, I thought. Really I was after something a bit more light and fluffy, you know, not quite so cerebral.
Then I stopped in my tracks.
The old brain kicked in and reminded me that actually, happiness, or lack of it, has been the subject of the week for some weeks now.
At this point I know some of my many (3) readers are thinking, “Oh no! What’s happened? What’s gone wrong?” Don’t panic dear readers (all three of you).
It’s exactly because nothing is wrong that the subject came up.
Our mammoth adventure and move to pastures new is still the best thing that we have ever done, we still love, living here.
Before we moved we had all sorts of stresses. Business was, let’s settle for calling it ‘stressful.’ It’s a bit like calling Mount Everest a hillock but it will have to do since dwelling on that nightmare won’t do my current illusion of happiness any good at all.
We had numerous family and friends die in the months before we moved. Some were expected, some were sudden. All were horrendously distressing.
We travelled up and down the country looking for our perfect home, finding it and then losing it when the chap decided he didn’t want to sell after all. We had Boofuls breaking his leg shortly after we sold our house and needed to be moving, albeit with nowhere to go but hey ho.
We had the trauma of moving away and leaving our family and friends behind (my heart actually hurts as I type that). Living in a cramped holiday flat for a month until we finally bought Boofuls Towers Lodging Emporium.
We had the challenge of building up a business we knew nothing about from scratch and making it work, at the same time as learning how to live as a family unit again with Lashes and Munki now living with us.
Talking of Lashes, we had to cope with her illness and the tempestuous events that came along with it. It’s difficult to write this bit without telling you things that I have no right to share on here but honestly, her life has had more ups and downs than a Swiss cable car. I am going to pause for a moment to reflect on that and how horrendous that time was………ok, I’m back.
Then we had my surgeries and subsequent changes in lifestyle to think about and in a couple of months it will be Boofuls’ turn to go under the surgeon’s knife when he gets his new hip.
Those are the heavily edited highlights. The reason I am bringing them up is not so you can say, Oh poor you, hasn’t life been difficult. (even though it bloody has!). It’s because of two things, which is the (eventual) point of this post.
Firstly, when you go through all this stuff, you just get on and deal with it. Fighting each fire as it appears. No time to think it through properly, you just get on with it. Strangely, while it was all going on, we would occasionally check each other out, “Are you ok? Are you happy?” Strangely, we were. As tough as life was we were generally happy.
Now that life is on a much more even keel, we, and by ‘we’ I mean ‘I’ have finally had time to process everything that has happened in the last four years or so.
Boofuls’ Lodging Emporium has been steady but not over busy so we have had time on our hands.
I have had time to mull everything over. To think how we might have done things differently. I can finally find time to grieve for my brother, our friends, Boofuls’ brother. I long to see the faces of my family.
I’m not so sure that this thinking time is such a good idea.
Thinking about it all, trying to process it all has left me sad, lonely, homesick and angry. Poor old Boofuls hasn’t got a clue what to do with me.
How ridiculous. At the moment we are sitting pretty, I should be enjoying life.
So, to the point.
Is happiness an illusion? I believe it is. It’s a coping strategy.
An illusion to get you through the difficult times. You imagine and look forward to being happy when life gets easier. Don’t be fooled. That is just the universe having a big celestial joke at your expense.
When life does get easier that’s the time it will pull the happiness rug from under your feet and leave you wondering why you bother.
Truthfully I don’t really think happiness is an illusion, I think it is a state of mind. It can keep you going when you need a boost, it can desert you when you expect it to be there.