Category Archives: blogger

Blog it!


I’ve been sitting here at my desk for a few minutes now wondering what I can write about now that I have the time to write.

Of course my head is blank. All I’ve done for the last two weeks is sleep, not a lot to write about there then.

Such is my blankness that I’ve even googled ‘ideas for a blog post’

Hhhmmm, let’s see…

1. Run a contest. I don’t know how to do that.

2. Review a book. Ooh, I can do that, I’ve just finished reading ‘the girl on the train’. Dammit, I’ve forgotten most of it. It’s about a girl on a train and it was obviously not that memorable.

3. Criticise a website/blog/person. No!! How mean can you get? Remember the old adage – If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all.

4. Tell a secret. Ok. I scoffed a load of shortbread biscuits last night and spent all night farting. It was like the Trumpet Voluntary in my bedroom. I was offensive to myself.

Wot?

It said tell a secret. That was a secret, I haven’t told anyone else about it. Actually, I did. I told my friend Fiz about it earlier while we were chatting in the queue at a coffee shop about bowel movements, or in her case, lack of them.

5.Post a cool infographic. What’s an infographic?

6. Sing a song. Ok………………Did you enjoy it?

7. Share your blogs income and traffic info. £0.00 and 4 viewers today. Wow! Record breaking.

8. Post a picture.

Full English breakfast
Full English breakfast

9. Post an obvious lie. I’m a BBC newsreader and a size 10.

10.Share food recipes. Ok. here’s my recipe for my yummy breakfast pots that I serve to the guests. Mix together, oats, almond milk, honey and vanilla extract. Leave to soak overnight. Into the bottom of small kilner jars I put various fruits, strawberry and blueberry being a favourite. Stewed apple works really nicely with it and sometimes I mix peanut butter into the oat mix and slice banana into the kilner jar. I might put cocoa into the oat mix and put mandarins in the jar, anything you like really. They are very tasty, gluten and dairy free and filling. My friend who has a B&B up the road says I serve my guests cold porridge and stewed fruit. I suppose he’s not wrong. Enjoy.

Breakfast pots
Breakfast pots

I think these were chocolate and cherry.

So there you are. Theres’ my ‘no post ideas’ post.

Did you enjoy it?

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They’re heeeeeeeeeeeere


 I’m going to get all tongue tied and bashful then start to burble in a burbly, burbling way to try and impress. Not dissimilar, in fact  to the way I burbled when I met Prince Andrew last year. Far from being impressed by my burbling, he looked at me as if to say’ mindless peasant’ and then walked away wordlessly, leaving me red faced, kicking myself and cursing my burbliness  which emerges in times of stress or excitement.

So what’s the fuss about?  Well.

We have a new reader.  Welcome, Pearl.

On one of my many forays in Blogland I came across a blog which makes me laugh out loud every time I read it.  In response to a bit of shameless shmoozing on my part,  the writer has taken a look at my feeble offerings and decided to join our merry band.  Go and take a look at Pearl’s  blog, it’s hysterical. I can only aspire…………….I feel a bit like the nerdy, geeky kid who’s ‘got in with’ the cool kids.

As if that isn’t enough excitement for one week, the chap came back  for a 2nd look at our house.

 The chap who came to view  last week has just turned up in his monstrously large Mercedes sports job with his builder for a second look.  Somehow I get the feeling that I needn’t have bothered polishing and primping the interior of the house to within an inch of it’s life again as he only seems interested in the barns and land.

The suspense is killing me – I really want to be following them round and eavesdropping but I daren’t.

Now, in an attempt to encourage the universe to hurry things along, I have the urge to  start packing up anything we don’t need on a daily basis in readiness for moving but that might be a bit previous as he hasn’t said he wants to buy it……..yet. Fingers crossed.

So just to take my mind off it  I thought I’d have a chat with you instead and fill you in on the latest gossip.

Well, maybe not the latest gossip because as a source of gossip I am really crap. Ask bezzy mate, Big Marge. The trouble with me is that I have such a terrible memory, I instantly forget what people tell me. My reputation of being really good at keeping secrets is all based on supposition, the truth is that I just forget.

One of the clingons has been out of sorts this week which has meant an abundance of childminding for me.    Today, for the first time this week she didn’t look as if she was about to expire any minute.

Making the most of this newly found tentative wellness, I suggested a short stroll in the park to get her some fresh air and bring some colour to her cheeks. A totally self serving suggestion if I’m honest because I can’t stand being cooped up in the house. Me and the dog have missed our walks this week.   A short stroll round the deserted and bloody perishingly cold woods saw us back at the car after half an hour.

I opened the boot to let the dog, at which  she plonked her arse on the ground and refused to budge, looking  at me in disgust. “Go on,” I prompted as she sat there, she clearly had no intention of getting in the car. It took a fair amount of bribery  superior dog handling skills to get her to get in.

The dog was clearly feeling more than a bit shorted changed in the walk department, we usually have a good hour of more of brisk walking.  Eventually, having registered her discontent, she jumped into the car. She continued to register her discontent by farting and whining all the way home.  It was  enough to make my eyes water!

You’ll never guess what arrived on my desk yesterday?

Told you you wouldn’t  guess.

How the hell did a lady bird end up on my desk in January, crawling round my keyboard like something demented?  I popped it outside on to the new primula (thanks, Jan) plants but before I could put it down safely a gust of wind took it off my hand and smashed  it straight against the wall. Sigh.

RIP  ladybird.

Just a bit too big for it’s boots


Is it me or is Blogger getting smarter? A bit too smart if you ask me.

A quick surf round  Blogdom keeps me amused for short periods at a time but recently, although 99% of the blogs that pop up are all in English  now (yay), Blogger seems to  pick up on a word within  my latest post and decide  that’s all I’m interested in. So every time I click on ‘next blog’ it pops up with something that it thinks is related, usually on quite narrow themes.

Typed in the word ‘God’? Blogger decides you’re a God botherer and directs you to page after page of Godly people’s blogs.  Can’t move away from it, can’t choose a random subject.  Mentioned health in a post? Well then, brace yourself for trillions of health related blog pages.

I won’t even click on the next blog link from my photography page, so many photographers out there – and all of the buggers better than me (sigh).  No need to rub it in, Blogger.

I’m thinking a bit more randomness makes for more interesting reading. Full marks for effort. 5/10 for attainment.

I wonder what will pop up on ‘next blog’ now I’ve used all the main key words?  That might bugger the system up entirely. Maybe that’s the key to getting a varied array of subjects. I’ll let you know.

Update:  Pah!! Tested it got loads of nerdy, computer programming debugging  type pages.  I rest my case.