Tag Archives: christmas shopping

Friday Fun


nb. This post is called Friday Fun because I started to write it on Friday but somehow it got to Sunday before I’ve got round to finishing it. 

It’s been a good day today. Lashes, me and Munki went off to the big town garden centre to ooh and aah at their spectacular Christmas displays and have a bit of brunch. Window shopping and food, always a good start t the day.

One of the displays was of huge glassy polar bears – at £1500 each you wouldn’t buy too many for your garden but they looked stunning.

Munki walked up to Mummy bear and said, “Are you cold, polar bear? Of course you are – you’re in the Arctic.”  Hahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

From a kid that’s just turned four I thought that was quite good.

Christmas elves
Christmas elves

Copyright

On the way home we were treated to an eclectic mix of bonfire night and Christmas songs, sometimes changing mid song,  courtesy of Munki who was still in the throes of the sugar rush she obtained from a candy cane.

A walk in the woods with Velcrodog, Gembolina and Mrs Woofy was just the job to recharge my Munki drained batteries before setting off to do the weekly shop.

 

Just to complete my good mood – it snowed!! Yaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!!! Velcrodog was a it confused by it all:

Dog playing in snow

 

Back home, a trawl round my favourite websites, as is my wont and I came across these gems. Enjoy.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday , so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy’s heading for a breakdown.

Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Paddy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador .”Not that” says Mick “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”
.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the bloody thing!

Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’ , who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Bought some ‘rocket salad’ yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says “Oh, I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”

Murphy says to Paddy “What ya talkin to an envelope for?” “I’m sending a voicemail ya thick sod!”

Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

19 paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks “Why so many of you?” Mick replies, “The film said 18 or over.”

An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.

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Season of goodwill….really?


Yesterday, being in an unusually efficient state of mind, I decided to  visit the print lab, buy a new printer for work and then to pop into our local ‘Pile ’em high and sell ’em cheap’ retailer for some cheap and cheerful new Christmas decorations to freshen up the ones I’ve had for years. All that in one circular trip, that’s like killing three birds with one stone. Normally that would be three separate trips. Why can’t I be so efficient every day?

Anyway, I needed the new Christmas decorations to  fit in with this year’s theme which basically involves chopping down half a tree,  painting it white and sticking some fabulous white lights and a few sparkles on it ( for ‘few’ read ‘loads of’ ) . Munki thought I was joking. I’m not.

So here we are at the store, grabbing a basket, I headed off down the aisles in search of the Christmas department, quietly humming, ‘We wish you a merry Christmas’ to myself as I went. The Christmas aisles were easy to spot. They were the ones fill with hoardes of people all elbowing each other in the face in order to get first dibs on the perfect item for their preparations for the season of peace and goodwill. After about two minutes I decided that I wasn’t aggressive enough for the game and beat a hasty retreat. What an ordeal! ‘We wish you a merry Christmas’ had been replaced in my head by ‘Highway to Hell’ on my way out of the store – it’s not even December yet! God only knows what it’ll be like in the coming weeks. I think I’ll be doing my shopping online from now on. It’s much safer.

 

Well, time flies, as they say, and the last four years have certainly flown by.  On the very night I threatened Lashes not to go into labour because it was the night of my studio opening party, the 26th November 2008. I should have known better really, when did she ever listen to what I have to say? Sure enough, she went into labour and Munki made her entrance into the world, aided and abetted by me who had the honour of cutting the umbilical cord, one of my proudest moments ever. Happy birthday Munki, or as she prefers to be called these days, Belle.