Tag Archives: english language

Your dead!

No. That wasn’t a typo in the title.

A photograph popped up on Facebook and it made me howl with laughter – mostly because I’m a total nerd.

Here’s the very picture:

Source: http://www.teamjimmyjoe.com/2013/01/bad-tattoos-13/#.VIRVBN64Qzk
Source: http://www.teamjimmyjoe.com/2013/01/bad-tattoos-13/#.VIRVBN64Qzk

Now that I’ve wiped the tears from my face I can tell you about the time when I went into our local sandwich emporium, or as they call it round here, the butty shop.

There was a sign on the counter announcing the fact that they were selling Pie’s.

Well, being the nerd that I am it was too good a gift to turn down. When it was my turn to be served I asked nonchalantly as I pointed to the sign;

“So. Who’s Pie? What is it of his that you’re selling and does he even know you’re selling his stuff?

Blank looks all round. The words ‘lead’ and ‘balloon’ spring to mind and that amused me even more.

Kept me tittering like schoolboy all day, that did. I am so easily amused.

Having said that, while I make fun of spelling and grammar mistakes, I am genuinely appalled by the standard of education in this country. It seems that not being able to spell or put a simple sentence together is the norm these days. The standard of the graffiti these days is dreadful!

Bearing in mind that my education was severely disjointed, I attended nine different primary schools, two secondary schools and missed  almost two whole years of schooling entirely due to truancy ( I’m not proud of that by the way) by all of the yardsticks that they use to measure likely academic success or failure I should be totally illiterate.

The fact that I’m not illiterate in spite of my disjointed education but so many of our children these days are teetering on the brink of it tells me that there is something seriously wrong with our education system.

Wow. Where did all that come from? I was only going to post a funny picture of a mis-spelled tattoo.


You have to love the English Language.

I saw this on Facebook this morning and decided to steal it because  the sentence at the end made me laugh. I’m such a nerd.

Source; https://www.facebook.com/grammarly
Source; https://www.facebook.com/grammarly


Still on the subject of language, I was texting Gembolina last night declining an invitation to a barbecue as I will be working at a horse show. I will quite literally be shooting the horses! Anyway, moving on before you phone the RSPCA, good old predictive text changed it to “I’ll be smirking at a horse show.’

Cue: a good ten minutes of me crying with laughter as I got a mental image of me standing in the show ring with my arms folded and smirking at the events as they unfold.

So funny…..what? Oh, just funny to me then? Dang!


Where ‘made’ rhymes with ‘bed’

Aye, tee reet, cocker?

Oh yes, here I am back on my favourite subject, accents.

I live in an area where the teenagers try to sound like black Americans, innit man.  The middle aged people sound like farmers, or as they say here, furmers, and ‘made’ rhymes with ‘bed’.

We also  have some of the longest vowel sounds in the entire world.

Take the word ‘maid’, although one would expect it to given the example above, in this instance it doesn’t sound like ‘bed’  at all but takes on a completely different sound and becomes long enough to have about 6000 hideously flatted a’s in it. for example:

” E’s proper posh, e’s even go’ ‘is own maaaaaaaaaaaaaaid.” Makes me shudder to hear it.

Ah yes, h’s no longer exist,  t’s are either completely elided, used as a glottal stop  or changed into d’s in the style of our American cousins.  You know, it took me years to work out that a pinata (little squiggly thing on top of the ‘n’) was actually a pinata and not a pinada, and only then because I saw it written down.

Oh how times change. When I was young I’d have been given a quick sideswipe from my mother  if I’d have dared do any of those things. Hell, I didn’t even say ‘bloody’ in front of her till I was in my 30’s when I discovered that I could get away with swearing as long as I didn’t do it using slovenly speech.

Munki, now approaching the ripe old age of four, has been gathering an eclectic mix of accents. She’s a delight, and sometimes hysterically funny, to listen to. Somehow she’s retained Boofuls’ RP pronunciation of ‘sandcarstle’ and has added to her RP vocabulary list with  words like ‘work’ and ‘perfect’ sounding to northern ears as ‘waaark’ and ‘paarfect’.

At the other end of the scale she also has TTF’s influence. He’s probably been affronted by her gentle vowel sounds and been tutoring her in some good old germanic influenced flattened  and heavy vowel sounds. ‘No’ has turned into ‘gnaw’ and this week I’ve noticed that she’s picked up the very local habit of adding extraneous ‘i’ sounds to words as in –  and I quote:

“Nanny, I’ve got a toe itch.”

“A toe itch? Well scratch it.” I replied.

“Gnaw, Nanny (or Nanneh  – as the locals would have it) a toe itch. A toe itch to shine a light.”

“Do you mean a torch?”

“Yes, A toe itch.”

Dear God. Elocution lessons here please!

Ps: for the uninitiated, ‘Aye, tee reet, cocker?’ means: Hello, how are you?