Tag Archives: fun

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all.


Ok, I know it’s a bit late but..

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It’s far to say that the celebrations took a very different turn this time. 

Many months ago we decided that it would be too weird having Christmas down here without our friends and family around so we hired a cottage up north so we could spend Christmas with our nearest and dearest.  The cottage was located at the highest point in the highest village in the country. We didn’t know that we we booked it but we certainly knew about five seconds after we arrived and got out of the car. Good grief! Windy? It nearly blew my socks off!

The cottage itself was lovely, not the usual “dog friendly ‘ cottage which usually means lino floors and furniture that has been discarded from the local old people’s home. This place was warm, comfortable and a lovely base for our stay.  It was a 200 year old weaver’s cottage end the kitchen was down three steps. Even I had to limbo to get in there without bumping my head. They made people small 200 years ago! Still, we managed to enjoy ourselves.

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Unless you’ve been on a different planet, or a different country, you can’t fail to have noticed that there have been  few floods up and down the country. Well, to be honest, if you listened to the news you’d think that it was only York that had been flooded but where we were was badly hit as well but that place isn’t wealthy or famous.

We stayed in the last cottage of a row of four which put us slightly down the hill. As I walked up to the hill and came to the end of the row it was intersected with a farm track. The wind was so bad up there that it blew Douggie the doggie straight into the road and blew me five steps sideways.  Here’s short video to give you and idea of what it was like, listen to that wind howl

Once our friends discovered that we were back up north, as as they say down here, ‘up country’,  we were getting text messages every five minutes inviting us here there and everywhere, it was lovely. Lovely but a bit stressful, we couldn’t fit everyone in so we had to allocate two hour slots.
The day before we came home we managed to get all the family together (mostly) to scatter my brother’s ashes. In the end we decided to put him on the same remembrance plot where we scattered dad’s ashes. You know, so they could keep each other company.  It was surprisingly moving and emotional. I was glad that we’d taken the time to get together. My older brother said a few words and then seemingly from thin air produced a bottle of sherry, some small bottles of beer and glasses so we could all have a final drink with Rick. It was a fitting way to finally lay him to rest. Especially bearing in mind that he’s been in the back of Alec’s car for over  a year, he’s been to Scarborough twice since he died. He travelled more since he died than he ever did when he was alive!

Anyway…back at the ranch. For new year we had a full house. Among our guests were The Incredible Hulk and Storm from X Men. Unfortunately Storm’s super powers didn’t extend to sewing up her costume when the zip went. Imagine my surprise as I went into the bar to find The Incredible Hulk holding Storm’s costume and politely asking me if I could possibly fix it for her. Heh.

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We saw in the new year with a few of the guests. It was fabulous, we had some lovely people stay with us and it was a privilege to see in the new year with them. I hope it’s a taste of what the rest of the year has in store for us.

Whatever new year holds for you I hope it keeps you happy, healthy and blogging. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

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Being born and bred in Littletown as she was I suppose that it was inevitable that despite half of her family coming from outside the area Munki was going to pick up the local accent.

It wasn’t too bad while she was at nursery school but once she started at ‘big’ school the full Littletown accent has come to the fore. Oh Dear Lord.

ELOCUTION LESSONS NEEDED OVER HERE, STAT!!

Only last week she was telling me about a beautiful hoe-ass she’d seen.

“A beautiful WHAT?!?!?

“Hoe-ass, Nanny.”

“Did you mean ‘horse?”

“That’s what I said, hoe-ass.”

“No. You said hoe-ass. Try saying horse.”

Quick as a flash she replied, “Ok Nanny, I know what to say: “Pony!”

Clever clogs. Had she not pronounced it as pawny it would have been hysterical.

She really has a a veritable smorgasbord of witty and clever comebacks. Not bad for a five year old. I always used to tell Lashes that one day she’d have to deal with a child like herself and I’d stand back and laugh and laugh while reminding her that she was exactly the same at that age. Well. Here it is. Retribution time, Lashes! Heh. Funny isn’t it how what goes around comes around? God help us all when MUnki’s fifteen. Then she’ll be witty, clever AND have an attitude as well as have the ability to come up with a really reasoned argument as to why we should allow her to something completely unreasonable.

Anyway, let’s put the ghost of Christmas future back in it’s box and return to the present day: Munki’s little Littletownisms, while they usually make me laugh also assault my ears and make them bleed a bit when I hear them.

It’s not long ago that she was telling me that one of her friends had a toe itch that they’d taken to skoowul. “A toe itch? Have they got athletes foot?” “GNAW NANNY!! A toe-itch!! To shine a light with.”

“A torch! Why didn’t you say so?”

The word ‘more’ has turned into ‘mowah’ ‘short’ has turned into ‘show-ert’ Just about every single syllable word has had an extra syllable added but on the other hand letters, and in fact whole words, are frequently left out of sentences. For example: ‘I’m going bed now.’ GAAAAHHH ‘TO’ bed!I’m going TO bed. It’s not difficult!!

Recently I heard: “I keep getting texies “It took just about all the resolve I had not to walk over and quietly whisper ‘texts’ in her ear. It’s not unusual in shops and pubs to hear people asking for a packet of crisp. Crisp? Crisp what? Do you mean crisps? No wonder visitors from outside of the area think all northerners are thick.

Moving on before I bust a blood vessel:

I popped into the local beauty salon for an eyebrow wax and tint. Due to my unusually tender and delicate skin I ended up with my poor eyebrow area all red and swollen. Not only that but the beautician had obviously misunderstood when I said I like my brows arched and gave me at the whole McDonald’s golden arch shape – except in dark brown, not gold. That would be silly. I left the salon looking like a sad clown with my big semicircular brows and red face.

When I got home Boofuls took one look at me and asked me why I got my eyebrows waxed and tinted. “To make them more prominent and frame my face.” “Mission accomplished” he said in a scathing tone and just walked off, leaving me standing there now looking and feeling like a sad clown. Harsh.

Ahoy!


Guess what we did at the weekend? Here’s a little picture essay with just an occasional comment from me.

Some people found an innovative use for a fajita and a chip.

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Some people found a good place to store their cigarettes.

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Some people found useful storage place for their grog tankard

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We arrived at the camp site and flew ( kind of ) our colours.

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AAAARRRRRRRR!!!!

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Cap’n Jack Sparrow!!! One of many. Douggie was a bit star struck as you can see.

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Me, lashes and Cap’n Jack. Lashes was more than a bit star struck- as you can see.

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A spot of morris dancing.

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Some of the locals wanted a photo with us.

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And we wanted a photo of our little band of pirates. What exactly do you call a collection of pirates? A motley crew?

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A nice walk on the coastal path for me and Douggie. None of the other buggers would come with us. They don’t know what they were missing, it was fabulous. Such amazing scenery.

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Douggie got all over excited at the beach. We had to walk down 110 steps to get to that beach. Then we had to walk up 110 steps to get back on the path. Why am I not a size 10?  Oh, yes, because I’m greedy.

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Lashes, Munki and me on board the Golden Hind.

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Have you guessed where we were and what we were doing yet?

Give in?

The whole clan (almost, Big N didn’t come with us) went to Devon on our long anticipated trip to Brixham pirate festival.  It was BRILLIANT!!!!

We hired a couple of caravans, hoisted the Jolly Roger and settled in for a weekend of silliness and mild debauchery, we did have kids with us, after all. We loved the mass sailor’s hornpipe dance with hundreds of other pirates of all ages. We broke all previous records for the largest sailor’s hornpipe dance because it’s never been done before. Yay!

A memory I’ll take to my grave with me is of me, Len and Boofuls waiting for Lashes and Munki to come out of a shop  on the main shopping street in Brixham. We stood next to a busker who was playing Lou Reed’s walk on the wild side.  When it got to the chorus, you know, the do do do do do do do do bit, we started to sway and sing along. The next thing we know is that Captain Jack Sparrow and Calypso  have joined in and there were now five pirates in a row singing and dancing to Lou Reed.  Fair to say that such was the absurdity of the whole town on that particular weekend that we didn’t draw more than a second glance from passers by. Lashes’ face was a picture though when she realised that Cap’n Jack was mingling with us and she’s almost missed him. Ha!

Just to help you along with imagining the scene I’ve provided the very music for you to join in.

 

 

 

One extreme to the other


Have you noticed it’s been a bit quiet on the blogging front recently?

It’s been anything but quiet on the home front. In fact it’s been globetrottingly glorious. Well ok, globetrotting might be a bit of an over statement. We’ve been to Spain, got back for four days and then went off to Torquay to see Boofuls’ brother again but this time we hired a cottage and took Lashes, Len, Munki, Batty and Dangerous with us as well as Douggie and the doggie and Little Ted the bichon puppy.

Spain was nice. Hot. Very hot. We went with a couple we met at the wedding fairs and have got to know, a florist and her new hubby. We shot their wedding in January. Anyway, they very kindly invited us to stay with them and we gratefully accepted. We stayed in their holiday house which by pure coincidence is in the same village as my old school pal.  Bonus!

It was lovely to catch up with Señora Janbo, just a shame we didn’t get to spend more time with her.  All in al it was a quiet, grown up, sophisticated holiday with adult conversation, restaurant dining and lazy days on the beach.

Then it was back home for four days to do the washing, pack a whole different set of clothes and set off to our rented cottage in Torquay with the gang.

Not that this trip wasn’t without it’s difficulties. Poor old Douggie had a major seizure right in front of me the day  before we set off.  The poor little sausage was like a wrung out cloth after it, it did cross my mind that he wouldn’t be fit enough to take the journey but I reckoned he’d be happier with us than without us and he got to sleep all of the six hour journey.

The photos are al over the place but you’ll work it out! Enjoy.

Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright Copyright So, having made it to Torquay we began a whole week of madness.

The kids were told it was ‘almost no rules week’. Pancakes with a halloween shape theme? Fine. It took about two hours to make the buggers but all the kids joined in creating the witch, cauldron and devil shaped pancakes and loved it. One of the pancakes looked a bit like Jesus, we were going to sell it on Ebay for thousand of pounds  – but we ate it instead. I can honestly say that this is the first time I’ve sat at a breakfast table, or any table for that matter,  juggling sausage rolls and tangerines. I even managed to juggle a sausage roll straight into Douggie’s waiting mouth!

Zoo, model village, ferris wheel, arcades, swimming, children’s fun house, dinosaur house, eating out, crabbing at the quay, playing on the beach, afternoon cream tea, halloween dressing up and pumpkin carving? Why not?  You name it – they did it. I’m exhausted!

Douggie was delirious with joy when he saw the sea. That’s all he needs for the perfect holiday. I spent many hours throwing stones into it for him to chase.   Little Ted turned out to be rather less keen on it and complained every time his little French tootsies got wet. He did however get to make lots of new friends on the beach and on the plain and had a thoroughly nice time.

All in all it was a week. of pure madness and I loved almost every minute of it.  Now we’re home I’m just exhausted but cooking up a plan to move to Devon. I lived there for a while as a kid and loved it then. Still love it now. Tell me again why we live in the industrial north when we could live by the sea?

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What I learnt today


So ok, I’m skipping a whole week of holiday news to tell you about this as it’s so important.

When you are playing crown green bowling you must remember that it’s not like golf where you tee off to start a game.

Being a relative newcomer to crown green bowling I committed a terrible faux pas today at the annual charity bowling competition when enquiring if it was my  turn to roll the jack. Apparently it’s not correct to  ask loudly ( or otherwise), ” Is it my turn to jack off yet?”

Cue: horrified looks all round. Boy, was my face red!

Weekend laughs


It’s been a hard week this week. Admittedly not as hard as last week which was just awful but still not on my top ten list of brilliant weeks.
Fortuitously, I happened across  an email from my sister and it made me laugh. My personal favourite is No.( – I do that anyway so no change there then. Boofuls and I have just been to see Les Miserables ad I sang along to all the songs. Well, when I wasn’t crying I sang along.
Which is your favourite?
Enjoy
1.      At lunch time sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair drier at passing cars.    Watch and see if they slow down.
2.      Page yourself over the intercom.  Don’t disguise your voice.
3.      Every time someone asks you to do something ask,  “Do you want fries with that”?
4.      Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their Caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
5.      In the memo field of all your checks write, ‘For Marijuana’
6.      Skip down the hall rather than walk. See how many looks you get
7.      Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, Do this with a serious face.
8.      Specify that your Drive-through order is – ‘To Go’.
9.      Sing along at the Opera, in your very best voice.
10.    Five days in advance tell your friends you can’t attend their party because, You have a headache.
11.    When the money comes out of the ATM scream. “I won! I won!!”
12.    When leaving the Zoo start running towards the parking lot yelling… “Run for your lives! They’re loose!”
13.    Tell your teenage children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go”.
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
14.    Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask, “Can you show me where the fitting room is please”.

Is that the complaints department?


“Your blog’s rubbish.”

“Excuse me.”

I used to love reading your blog and now you never post anything. It’s been weeks”

Excuse me. It’s been about two days”

“Post more.”

“Ok.”

That was the conversation on the way home from an event I was exhibiting at last night. Lashes had come along to help, since it was a women’s event and Boofuls was a bit surplus to requirements, and very grateful I was too. My little Grasshopper is learning fast.

So. For my legions of bloggie fans. That’s if you can have a legion of one,  here is a special post for you:

While I’m busily telling the universe that this is our year and that the buyer for our house will be stepping round the corner in just a few more days, I’m continuing with the economy drive.  Finding myself in Sainsbury’s the other day having a mooch through the reduced items as I really love a bargain, I found one of those movement sensitive air fresheners that are supposed to look a Henry Moore sculpture hewn from sandstone but actually looks like a lump of browny plastic. The idea, if you’re not familiar with these things, is that when it senses movement it spits out a bit of air freshener. It’s a bit insulting if you think about it, every time you walk past it basically tells you that you stink and need a squirt. It might as well have an inbuilt megaphone screaming, “YOU STINK, GET A BATH YA DIRTY SOD!” as you walk by.

Anyway, back to the plot. Since it was reduced from £12 to £6 it was obviously a bargain. I’ve never felt the need to buy one before but then  they’ve never been £6 before. Once I got home with it I spent the next hour walking round the house deciding where to put it.

Eventually I decided on the bath in the bathroom. Lovely.

Not lovely.

Not in the middle of the night, anyway.

In the middle of the night  when walking into the bathroom you realise it has the most annoying yellow flashing light on it that isn’t visible during the day – and that isn’t even the worst of it.

Imagine, dear reader, that you’ve stumbled, bleary eyed into the bathroom during the night for a wee. You open the door and walk in –  to  hear  the caw of an angry crow right behind you followed by the hiss of a large and malevolent snake.

“WHAT THE F……… ???”

It’s a good job I was already in the bathroom for reasons I probably don’t need to elaborate on. Lets just say it’s a good thing the toilet was close by.  Frights like that I do not need in the middle of the night, thank you. Once I recovered my equilibrium, I continued with the task in hand.

Not feeling the need to close and lock the door when I can hear the rest of the household joining in a chorus of snores, I settled down for my wee, laughing quietly to myself at being scared shitless by an air freshener. Next think I know, the bathroom door decided to close itself. SQQQUUEEEEAAAKKKK, GRROOANNN. It sounded like something off a horror film.  AARRRGGH!!!

Heart pounding, pulse racing, it really was a good thing I was already on the toilet or there could have been a very nasty result.

Honestly, It takes nerves of steel to carry out a nocturnal bathroom visit in this house. I really must get Boofuls to oil that door.

Oh!


I was sent this by email and since I was procrastinating (aka chuffing about) instead of getting on with an album I was designing I decided to give it a go. Oh my God!

Try it, you’ll see why at the end.

 

At the end of this message, you are asked a question.
Answer it immediately..
 
Don’t stop and think about it.

Just say the first thing that pops into your mind. 
This is a fun ‘test’…

AND kind of spooky at the same time!

Give it a try,

then e-mail it around (including back to me)

and you’ll see how many people you know

fall into the same percentage as you..

Be sure to put in the subject line if you

are among the 98% or the 2%.

You’ll understand what that means

after you finish taking the ‘test..’

Now – just follow the instructions

as quickly as possible.

Do not go to the next calculation before

you have finished the previous one..

You do not ever need to write

or remember the answers,

just do it using your mind.. You’ll be surprised..

Start: How much is: 15 + 6 

21

3 + 56 

59

89 + 2

91

12 + 53

65

75 + 26 

101

25 + 52 

77

63 + 32 

95

I know! Calculations are hard work,

but it’s nearly over..

Come on, one more! ….

123 + 5 

128 

QUICK! THINK ABOUT

A COLOR AND A TOOL!

Scroll further to the bottom….

A bit more…

You just thought about a red hammer, didn’t you?

If this is not your answer,

you are among 2% of people who have

a different, if not abnormal, mind.

98% of the folks would answer a  

red hammer while doing this exercise.

 

Just for fun


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes . ;
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
____________________________ ______ _________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male.
_____ ________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WIT NESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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And the best for last: 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

 

 

Being a part of a little bit of history


Do you remember the ’60’s?

Do you remember where you were when Princess Diana died?

Iconic moments in history.

This weekend has been one of those iconic historical moments in the making.

It’s history happening right now. Living history, history that is shaping our lives and attitudes while we watch it happen. History that we have actually been a part of.

I find that quite mind boggling.

The thing about history happening now is that it can be documented in detail that has ever been possible in the past. Social documentary to saturation point. How marvelous. . Every gesture, grimace, glance caught on some kind of media or another to be transmitted instantly around the world and more importantly, documented. A fantastic resource for the historians of the future

I’m sure that you’ve noticed that the Queen has been having  a bit of a bash this weekend.

Sixty years as a reigning monarch. Job well done if I may say so, Ma-am.

Up and down the country and even in the far flung corners of the Commonwealth, communities have joined together to honour the momentous occasion.

Here is our little contribution to the festivities:

The plan had been that all the guests would bring some food for the barbecue and  some dessert so there would be plenty to go round. Oh my Lord! Everyone brought everything! I’ve never seen so much food in one place except in a supermarket.  The sun decided to play, we all had a lovely time. It was a fabulous day

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