Tag Archives: funny

It’s the way I tell ’em!


Two  (insert nationality)  were working for the city public works department.
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other,
then moved on to the next street,
working furiously all day without rest,
one man digging a hole,
the other filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work,
but couldn’t understand what they were doing.
So he asked the hole digger,

“I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it — why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?”

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed,

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed,

“Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team.
But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.”

Hahaaaaaaa

And there’s more.  One for the boys:

 

Calvin Rickson, an engineer from Texas A&M University, 
has designed a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling,
bouncing up and down, and stops nipples from pushing through
the fabric when cold weather sets in.


After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of 
men took Mr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.

 

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Blood transfusions


Remember this if you have major surgery and need a blood transfusion!! This is good to know!!


MEDICAL RESEARCH

Australian Medical Association researchers have found

that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit

from receiving chicken blood

rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men more cocky and the women definitely lay better….

Just thought you’d like to know.


 

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ARE CRACKED,

FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LET IN THE LIGHT!

 

 

Hahahaaaaaaaaaa


I’ve just been spending a few minutes procrastinating instead of working ( I have done some work this morning-honest) when I read this on the cruise critic website about funniest complaints from guests.  This one cracked me up,  I thought you might enjoy it too.

“The woman complaining at Guest Services about her cabin, as she had booked a seaview and all she could see was a car park. The Manager politely asked her to come back once the ship had sailed, and they would see what they could do then.”

Hahahaaahaaaaaaaaaa

Just for fun


Here are some of the answers that were given on the quiz show “family Fortunes”  I don’t feel quite so thick after reading these!!

A bad place to fall asleep: “Concrete..”

A French ferry port: “Dover..”

Something you mount: “A mountain..”

Something you lose when you get older: “Your purse..”

A sport which involves throwing something: “Tennis..”

A type of bean: “Lesbian..” (This and the one above were the product of Brian Dowling’s fertile imagination, on a celebrity edition of the show, in which the ‘purse’ answer also arose.)

Something you would play with in the bath: “A bazooka..”

Someone you wouldn’t swear in front of: “Yourself..”

A country where Arabic is spoken: “Nigeria..”

Someone or something whose existence has never been proven: “Hitler..”

A number you might have to memorise: “Seven..”

Something that makes you close your eyes: “Dark..”

Something that comes in pairs: “Rabbits..”

A way of toasting someone: “Over a fire..”

A Boy’s name beginning with the letter J: “Gerald..”

An instrument you can play while walking in the street: “A cello..”

A type of oil: “Sewing-machine oil..”

A word beginning with Z: “Xylophone..”

A slang word for a girl: “Slag..”

An animal with horns: “A bee…”

A medieval weapon: “Hand-grenade..”