Tag Archives: gifts

Teaser


I have a friend (Yeah, really!) who always posts a single word post on Facebook and waits to see how many people comment on it. Ten minutes later, if no one has commented she’ll go and open up the topic.

What’s that got to do with anything?  Absobloodylutely sod all.

It’s just that I haven’t got anything to write about and that’s all I could think of – and as it always says in the ‘how to’s’ you should just start to write so here I am.

Apologies in advance for the disjointed drivel that you’ve just read and for that to follow. It’s not even as though nothing has happened this week – loads has happened, just not things that I think are appropriate to share on here. Mostly because it’s been the crap week from hell and since I’m positive thinking at the moment I don’t want to dwell on it. To be honest, the only thing I’m feeling positive about today is that I’m completely and utterly naffed off, tired, emotional and drained. Douggie the doggie having a fit in the early hours of this morning didn’t help matters much. I’ll resume my attitude of gratitude tomorrow.

So. Day off today.

It’s tough being a florist’s assistant. It’s also super busy at this time of year. I went from helping to make a Christmas arrangement to helping to make a coffin top arrangement to Facebooking and updating the website, all in the space of an hour yesterday.  So much for retirement. It’s so busy I’m  working up to and including Christmas Eve.

That brings me nicely to the season of goodwill.

I popped over to have a gander at Manchestercflickchick’s blog, as is my wont. Good blog, go and take a look, say I sent you. Imagine my delight when I read a whole post dedicated to Christmas. Yay! It was one of those nominate jobbies but she didn’t nominate me. I was gutted.  Anyway, God loves those who help themselves – so I helped myself to a nomination and Here it is: my Christmas themed self indulgence fest.

Let’s talk about me…….

Favourite festive food: Where to start? Bring it all on. Christmas morning croissants and champagne at bezzie mates. Christmas dinner with ALL the trimmings, Christmas pudding. Yup. I love it all. I don’t even mind doing all the cooking. If I have a lot of people to cook for then that means that I have all my favourite people around me. What’s not to love? This year I’m going a little bit away from our traditional smoked salmon for a starter and going with beef carpaccio, also known as food of the Gods or manna from heaven.  Nomnomnomnomnomnom. I feel a bit sick now 😦

Favourite Christmas drink: Can I have two? Advocaat should be made compulsory at Christmas and then banned for the rest of the year. Christmas just isn’t Christmas without thick, gloopy, weirdly tasting advocaat mixed with dry ginger. Then there’s the Christmas sherry. I quite like a nice dry sherry. I wouldn’t normally drink it but when I do I can’t stop myself from saying in a shrill voice at regular intervals, “More sherry, vicar?” as I hold out my glass for a refill.

Favourite reindeer: Hhhmm. It has got to be Rudolph as the rest of them are a set of two faced, laughing, name calling  bitches. I hate bullies.

Favourite day of Christmas: All of them, starting in mid December.  In the last week I have foraged a tree from the garden to paint and decorate with icicles and snowflakes, I’ve foraged twigs and ivy to make a Christmas tree. Tomorrow I’ll be making my table decorations from leylandii and wine bottles. Christmas is a crafter’s dream! I  love the run up to it, I love the excitement, the gift buying and wrapping, the cooking, the visiting, the chaos, the giving and receiving of gifts, the meaning of Christmas. I’m not a church goer now but have some very deep seated beliefs, which is why I get so pissed off when people get all politically correct and start referring to it as ‘the holidays’. It’s a Christian celebration. Christ – mas, the clue is in the name. Got it? *catches rant before it starts*  I suppose my favourite day has to be the day itself but only by a whisker.  Did I mention I love it?

Favourite Christmas song: Easy peasy. It’s the one Douggie the doggie and me danced to at the dog club party last year. Louis Armstrong’s Zat you Santa Clause? I can’t help but smile when I hear it and Louis Armstrong has a special little place in my heart anyway.

Favourite Christmas present: Another easy one. Although I’ve had many, many brilliant presents over the years, the one that springs to mind is the Sindy doll I got as a little girl. It was in the days before that long legged and big boobed American imposter, barbie really caught on here. I loved my Sindy doll and was distraught when my little brother pulled her head off on Boxing Day.

Favourite Christmas film: Ok, ok, I know I’m supposed to say “It’s a Wonderful Life’ but it aint. It’s Elf. Ok? There, I said it in public.

Favourite Christmas tv advert: It’s caused a lot of controversy but I love the Sainsbury’s advert about the first world war ceasefire on Christmas day. I wonder how many people realise that it’s a true story? It makes me cry every time I see it.

Favourite Christmas decoration:  As my daughter can tell you, I fall in love with anything rustic. My absolute favourite decoration is a rustic fairy dressed in brown and gold with long golden hair….Oh. But then there’s my collection of Father Christmas’s I love all of them, tricky to choose.  This year’s favourite? My big balls. Haha. Oo-er missus! I bought some giant balls for the tree. Every tree needs giant balls. Doesn’t that just paint a great picture in your head?

Favourite festive tradition: Well, every year follows pretty much the same routine. Brekkie with bezzie, drinks at Len’s mum and dad’s, everyone round to ours for pressies and dinner. That’s the way I like it so I have to say my favourite tradition is all of it!  Don’t even get me started on why anyone would go for a curry on Christmas day. That’s just bizarre. One year we went to a restaurant for Christmas dinner. It snowed, it was beautiful, there was lovely music, no bickering, the atmosphere was brilliant, the meal was so much better than I could have cooked. It was all wrong, wrong, wrong. Christmas should be at home with the family.  Which brings me to….

Place to spend Christmas: See above.

So there it is, my perfect Christmas. If you’re still here, thank you for indulging me. I’m in a much better mood now. Time for a snooze on the settee while I watch Elf again. When you get a minute, why don’t you tell me all about your perfect Christmas?

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Tuesday chit chat


There is a road in a nearby town to us. It’s a road we occasionally to get us to the motorway. Not the most exciting of roads, it’s all a bit industrial, has it’s own gypsy site and further down the road there’s a even sewage farm. As you can guess, you wouldn’t choose to drive down it or go there for a day out.

It took on a whole new lease of life for me one day last week when I drove down it because the sat nav made me laugh out loud at it’s pronunciation of the name. Oh how I love it when I computer makes a guess at something and gets it wrong. Lower Eccleshill Rd, according to the sat nav, is now Low Reckeezle Rd. Hahaaaaaaaa. Another instance of the sat nav second guessing and losing is a street near Lashes that it insists on calling Anyone St. It make driving so much more fun.

I was part of a food chain moment one day last week while I was out with Douggie the Doggie. At the same moment, Douggie and I spotted a cat with a mouse in it’s mouth. Douggie ran after the cat and I ran after Douggie. It suddenly struck me how hilarious it was that there was a food chain chase going on and I stopped in my tracks and stood there giggling as I watched the chase unfold. We know how to live up here in the wilds, the fun just never ends!

While we’re on the subject of animals, Dougggie has had his nose put out of joint a bit by one of the locals who has had the audacity to put horses in a field that Douggie likes to run in. When I say run I mean fly like the wind. He has a mad blast in it just before we get home for our walks.  He realised he couldn’t have his nightly blast and  he’d walk in a hissy fit down the lane giving the horses the evil eye as he went. His face carried a look of , I’m I bovvered? Do I look bovvered? Yeah well, up yours!’ but he never made any attempt to go into the field, he just walked on by.

Arriving home the other day he realised the horses were gone. He stood at the edge of the field and had a good look round to make absolutely certain they were gone. I stood back and watched with interest. Once he was certain they weren’t there he ran onto the field and ran round and round in joyful circles, glad to have his playground back. He’s a happy dog again now.

Boofuls and I were out a t a farmer’s market on Sunday. While I was there I spotted a lovely pen for Boofuls’ birthday but didn’t have the means to pay for it. The nice man on the stall told me that he’d put it to one side and I could pick it up from his base in Ribchester. Yesterday I thought I’d kill three birds with one stone and take Munki for a ride out and walk Douggie as well as pick the pen up. It’s a nice little town, Ribchester and I thought they’d all enjoy it.

Once we arrived I walked up and down looking for a pen shop. Eventually I asked a local:

“Excuse me, is there a shop that sells nice pens near here?”

“Pens? What kind of pens?”

” Writing pens.”

“Oh, you can get them at the Spar shop.”

“No. I meant nice pens, hand made pens.” I went on to explain about the man at the farmer’s market. The response was a bemused expression. Just at that I heard a voice from above and behind me, I thought it was God! I turned round expecting to see an omnipotent being with a long white beard and sunbeams radiating out behind him only  to discover it was a man hanging out of a bedroom window. “He’s next door, love.”

It turned out that the chap didn’t have a shop at all, he worked from home, a tiny cottage,  and I just happened to be standing in exactly the right place as I stopped to ask directions. Funny old world, innit?

Ninja Terrorist Cat


Well, what a surprise!  It would appear that my little cat, Cookingfat i.e. this little fella:

Ninja Terrorist Cat

moonlights as a Ninja terrorist cat.

The clingons got up this morning full of complaints that the cat forced his way into their bedroom against their will, violently resisted all attempts to remove him and they were left with no option but to let him sleep on the bed with them, “And he was a nuisance!”

“How many times have I told you that if you leave the door open he’ll come in.”

“It was shut, honestly.”

“You left the door open.”

“We didn’t.”

“So let me get this right.  The cat leapt up to the door handle, pushed down the handle and at the same time pushed the door open with his little ninja paws while hovering in slow motion 3 feet in the air wearing a black outfit and a mask screaming HAAAAAI-YA?”

“Well, we couldn’t get him to go out and the door was definitely closed.”

Riiiiiiiiiiiight.  So it’s a case of the cat got the better of  not one but two humans by bullying them and refusing to leave after breaking and entering their bedroom.

Or maybe………just a bit of………….Oh yes, there it is, can you smell it?

Let’s move on.

Being Mother’s day today I got a nice little round of pressies and cards, thank you all very much.  Big N started the day off nicely with a bottle of sparkling rose.

The Rev and Gembolina came up later with a beautiful little white kalanchoe and tiny teddy combo.

Mother's Day gift and card

Later still in the day Len and Lashes came up to visit with  a beautiful red kalanchoe.

Munki of course decided that she wanted to play with tiny ted. “What’s teddy called, then? I asked her.  She looked at me wide eyed for a minute and then decided that it should be called, ‘Panda.’   Panda, eh?   Not feeling that vibe myself  but it’s innovative, unconventional and challenging, I like that in a name, and who am I to argue?

” So. Is Panda a boy or a girl?”  Quick as a flash she replied,  “it’s a girlyboy.”

HAHAHAAAAAAAA

Sharp, very sharp, she’ll go far, that one.