I saw this on Facebook this morning and decided to steal it because the sentence at the end made me laugh. I’m such a nerd.
Still on the subject of language, I was texting Gembolina last night declining an invitation to a barbecue as I will be working at a horse show. I will quite literally be shooting the horses! Anyway, moving on before you phone the RSPCA, good old predictive text changed it to “I’ll be smirking at a horse show.’
Cue: a good ten minutes of me crying with laughter as I got a mental image of me standing in the show ring with my arms folded and smirking at the events as they unfold.
In fact, I think it must be National Extraneous Apostrophe Year as I’ve see so many of them around.
The local sun bed shop has had a new sign made: ‘SUN BED’S’
The local greasy spoon has a sign up saying the now sell Holland’s pie’s.
So in honour of the occasion I’m going to litter everything I write today with extraneous apostrophe’s.
I may tell you about the dog’s at the dog club last night, all rehearsing a formation dance routine for a demonstration on Sunday. Douggie the doggie and I had to drop out after Douggie had a fit, a shaky one not a hissy one. That meant at training last night we were put with the beginner’s. Ok, there was only one beginner but I couldn’t get an apostrophe in. Phew! It’s harder than I thought, this.
Since it’s harder than I thought I’m going to spell potato as potatoe and tomato as tomato. (Damn, now I have to think of thing’s to say that include the words potato and tomato). I think I’ll add extraneous ‘e’s to any words I can get them in as well to make the job easier.
Anyway, you get the idea. Everywhere I go my eyeball’s are assaulted with ridiculous mistakes that even nine year old’s shouldn’t be making. What on earth has happened? How did we become a nation of semi literate idiot’s? Rant over.
Booful’s and I decided to drop into B & Q to pick up a few item’s to beautify the garden for our potential buyer’s, who aren’t exactly battering the door down I might say. While we were there I had occasion to use their er.. facility’s ( aaaaargh, my eyeball’s!!!). You’d think in a shop stuffed full of bathrooms they’d be able to replace a broken toilet seat in their own loo’s rather than hold it together with tape. Eeeeeeww.
As you may have guessed, the Douggiemobile, aka my CRV is a bit of a tip. It’s ( heh :-D) become a bit of a shrine to Douggie with a back seat guard, a tailgate guard, spare lead’s, poo bag’s, treat’s, towel’s and toy’s. IT was quite a balmy evening last night so while I was driving north for our HTM lesson last night I had the window’s open to keep Douggie cool. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw what looked like a bat flying around in the boot. OH MY GOD. WHAT’S THAT?? Note to self: It’s not a good idea to stare into the back of the car whilst driving at 70 mph on the M6, or indeed any motorway.
The bat then landed on the tailgate guard. At which point I could see it was in fact a black poo bag which had been caught up in the draught and taken flight. Oh! Be still my beating heart!
A drunken conversation with a guest at a wedding recently made me shudder. It took all I could muster to not correct him and say “It’s one of THOSE, isn’t it?” I did resist the urge though as he was a total stranger and I thought it might be considered a bit rude.
I didn’t actually find out what it was one of because the whole conversation was littered with, “It’s wanna them, innit?” Trying to find out exactly what of the many what’s ( or do I mean ‘it’s’ ) was one of what was altogether too taxing for my little brain to deal with at that point.
Exactly! That’s my point!
I saw this on Facebook the other day and it really made me laugh, I shared it on my ‘wall’ but wondered how many people would understand it.
I didn’t think I managed to learn much at school but obviously something sank in on the few occasions I actually bothered to attend. Just think, If I’d gone to school on a regular basis I’d be an absolute boffin by now – brains bursting out everywhere!
It’s turning into a bit of a mission really, correcting the poor grammar and sloppy conversations of our young and not so young citizens. I really need to learn to be more tolerant. As it is at the moment I have the tolerance level of your average wasp on a low biorythm day. I’m spending most days trying to stop the steam coming out of my ears and ranting about rude/stupid/lazy/bullying people. A few weeks on a desert island would do me a world of good.
What a shame I didn’t win the Euromillions on Friday. I could have used £148 million to buy my very own desert island. In actual fact I was furious I didn’t win, I was convinced that this week was my turn.
Oh well, it wasn’t to be. It’s just wanna them, innit?
It really isn’t difficult. If its single items, like, say, cream cakes, then it’s ‘less’ as in:
‘There are three less than before’.
If it’s a plural thing then it’s FEWER. Got it? FEWER!
‘This car has FEWER emissions’.
Tsk. Pass this lesson on basic English on to Fiat will you, they obviously don’t understand the difference and Boofuls is getting fed up of me shouting at the telly every time I see their advert.
Yesterday’s engagement shoot in Blackpool was fun. The couple were a pair of proper characters. Having read my email suggesting that they don’t wear patterns or too many colours, the girl turned up in this technicolour dream coat.
Which perfectly matched her technicolour nails, and also her personality which was bright and vivacious. We had a brilliant shoot, I hope they decide to book us for their wedding because Boofuls and me really liked them both.
Once we’d finished the shoot we went off the the De Vere hotel in Blackpool for a bit of r & r. The plan to go dancing at the tower was jettisoned as we didn’t finish the shoot till 2pm and it shuts at 4 so not really worth going. We decided to go to Funny Girls instead.
We’d never been before so didn’t really know what to expect but we quickly got the idea when I noticed that the security person on the door was a man dressed as a woman dressed as a man. Uh?
We were shown to our table by the impossibly tall and beautiful waitress with the huge hands, feet and Adam’s apple. It was a brilliant evening, at one point the photographer approached us and asked if wewanted a photo. “No thanks, I can look at him every day, I don’t need a photo.” I said.
“Ooooohh, you cheeky bitch!” he squealed, throwing his hands up in the air before he turned and minced away. Laugh? I nearly bought a round! The whole evening was more camp than a row of tents.
Boofuls and me had a fantastic time watching all the antics of staff and customers alike, watching the cabaret and listening to the ultra cheesy music played by a Danny la Rue looky like in the sparkliest dress you’ve ever seen.
Part of the cabaret was a song and dance routine to Cher’s ‘Proud Mary’ When I say song and dance, I really mean mime and dance but we didn’t care, we were just enjoying the whole experience. I did notice however that some of the dance moves looked very familiar. I puzzled over it for a minute when it hit me. Just Dance 2!!! It’s the same dance routine!! I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Actually, I wasn’t on a chair, I was sat on the floor because from our seat in the Royal box (the only seats available) I wasn’t able to see the whole stage unless I sat on the floor, so I did. Classy, eh?
I don’t know who those people are but the one in the penguin costume made me laugh so I thought I’d share it with you. Now, back to the plot, imagine the dance done by half a dozen seven foot tall trannys in sparkly costumes and you get the idea.
Rants, raves and ramblings about whatever takes my fancy