Tag Archives: pets

Tuesday chit chat


There is a road in a nearby town to us. It’s a road we occasionally to get us to the motorway. Not the most exciting of roads, it’s all a bit industrial, has it’s own gypsy site and further down the road there’s a even sewage farm. As you can guess, you wouldn’t choose to drive down it or go there for a day out.

It took on a whole new lease of life for me one day last week when I drove down it because the sat nav made me laugh out loud at it’s pronunciation of the name. Oh how I love it when I computer makes a guess at something and gets it wrong. Lower Eccleshill Rd, according to the sat nav, is now Low Reckeezle Rd. Hahaaaaaaaa. Another instance of the sat nav second guessing and losing is a street near Lashes that it insists on calling Anyone St. It make driving so much more fun.

I was part of a food chain moment one day last week while I was out with Douggie the Doggie. At the same moment, Douggie and I spotted a cat with a mouse in it’s mouth. Douggie ran after the cat and I ran after Douggie. It suddenly struck me how hilarious it was that there was a food chain chase going on and I stopped in my tracks and stood there giggling as I watched the chase unfold. We know how to live up here in the wilds, the fun just never ends!

While we’re on the subject of animals, Dougggie has had his nose put out of joint a bit by one of the locals who has had the audacity to put horses in a field that Douggie likes to run in. When I say run I mean fly like the wind. He has a mad blast in it just before we get home for our walks.  He realised he couldn’t have his nightly blast and  he’d walk in a hissy fit down the lane giving the horses the evil eye as he went. His face carried a look of , I’m I bovvered? Do I look bovvered? Yeah well, up yours!’ but he never made any attempt to go into the field, he just walked on by.

Arriving home the other day he realised the horses were gone. He stood at the edge of the field and had a good look round to make absolutely certain they were gone. I stood back and watched with interest. Once he was certain they weren’t there he ran onto the field and ran round and round in joyful circles, glad to have his playground back. He’s a happy dog again now.

Boofuls and I were out a t a farmer’s market on Sunday. While I was there I spotted a lovely pen for Boofuls’ birthday but didn’t have the means to pay for it. The nice man on the stall told me that he’d put it to one side and I could pick it up from his base in Ribchester. Yesterday I thought I’d kill three birds with one stone and take Munki for a ride out and walk Douggie as well as pick the pen up. It’s a nice little town, Ribchester and I thought they’d all enjoy it.

Once we arrived I walked up and down looking for a pen shop. Eventually I asked a local:

“Excuse me, is there a shop that sells nice pens near here?”

“Pens? What kind of pens?”

” Writing pens.”

“Oh, you can get them at the Spar shop.”

“No. I meant nice pens, hand made pens.” I went on to explain about the man at the farmer’s market. The response was a bemused expression. Just at that I heard a voice from above and behind me, I thought it was God! I turned round expecting to see an omnipotent being with a long white beard and sunbeams radiating out behind him only  to discover it was a man hanging out of a bedroom window. “He’s next door, love.”

It turned out that the chap didn’t have a shop at all, he worked from home, a tiny cottage,  and I just happened to be standing in exactly the right place as I stopped to ask directions. Funny old world, innit?

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An open letter to my dear pets


Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by F1 and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years –canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s rear. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don’t ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don’t smoke or drink
8. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes
10. Don’t need a gazillion pounds for university, and…
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Pet panics


Bit of a sad post, this.

It started off as a bit of black humour last week when Munki’s  hamster died after only a couple of weeks.

“What the hell am I going to  tell Munki?” Lashes hissed at me in a stage whisper over the phone so Munki wouldn’t hear,  “She’ll be heartbroken if she finds out Herbie’s died.” Then in a moment of decision she said firmly, ”

I’m not going to tell her, I’ll just get a looky like replacement.” So after a bit of skullduggery and a clandestine trip to the pet shop, Herbie MkII was brought home and deposited in Herbie MkI’s suitably cleaned out and sterilised cage. It’s fair to say that Herbie MkII was lacking a couple of important features that Herbie MkI had but we didn’t think Munki would notice Herbie has suddenly turned into  Herbetta.

The other think  strikingly evident was that Herbetta has teeny tiny teeth compared to Herbie who was decidedly long in the tooth.

“They sold you a geriatric hamster. No wonder he popped off, he must have been 150 in hamster years.” And so followed many a joke about hamsters shuffling off their mortal coil and going to that big  hamster wheel in the sky.

Lashes wisely left Herbetta to settle in to her new home and her new identity living life as a male. Checking regularly that food, water and clean bedding were all topped  up,  they haven’t really had a lot of dealings with little Herbetta till Lashes noticed last night that she seemed a bit wet around her little hamster face but otherwise ok.

By this morning it became evident that the poor little thing was very ill indeed.  A trip to the vet was rapidly scheduled and the hamster was sedated so they could do a proper examination The end result was that little Herbetta lost an eye. What happened no one knows. Poor Lashes is beside herself that this poor creature has been suffering and she didn’t know.

“It’s only a hamster.” People have said. “Not worth spending a lot on vet fees for.” People have opined.

Sorry?  Did you say only a hamster? I suggest you keep those opinions under your hat.

It’s a life.

It’s a life that has been suffering and unable to help itself. Yes, there will be a vet bill for more several times more than she paid for the hamster but you know what? The importance and value  of a life doesn’t diminish exponentially with the size of the species involved. Your pet is your pet, a part of your family,  no matter how big or small they are.

So, I’m going to ask you to say a prayer tonight  for little Herbetta. If she makes it through the night then her chances of survival will greatly increase and she may very well live a long and happy life as Herbetta, the one eyed pirate hamster.

*******

While Herbetta was undergoing surgery, I was out for a walk with Mrs Woofy, Velcrodog, The Rev, Gembolina and Munki.

Velcrodog launched herself at Mrs Woofy who did a very nifty avoidance side step and the end result was that Velcrodog tumbled down a slope, landing in an ungainly heap at the bottom in a muddy puddle.

Then the howling started.

He was liked the Hound of the Baskervilles. WOOOOO-OOOOOO-OOOO   yelp! yelp! yelp!  WOOOO-OOOOOO-OOOOOO!!

Everyone within a mile radius turned round to see what was going on.  Like a footballer, rolling on the ground clutching their injured limb and shouting ‘FOUL!’ Velcrodog  played it up for all he was worth. To the point where we all thought he’d broken his leg.

“Hello? Is that the vet? I need to bring my dog in straight away.”

While I was talking I was thinking,  thank God I got the pet insurance sorted out good and quickly. Not like me at all.

By the time we got to the vet, Velcrodog was walking happily on all four of his legs and looking very chipper. After a thorough examination the vet declared him to be no more than a  very talented drama queen.

Well, Drama Queen. That little performance cost me £43!

Pets, eh? It’s a good job we love ’em!

Friday already?


Apart from the fact that I can still hardly walk I’m really looking forward to today. Me and my friend Maddi are off to the Trafford Centre. I haven’t been there for ages and ages!!

I’ve seen a couple of dresses that I think will be lurverley for when me and B re affirm our vows in November so I’m doing an advance recce with Maddi and then I’ll go with my girls for the final say so (maybe).

Doggy boot camp was fun last night, the dog is an absolute genius!!!  Next week she has to take and exam -don’t know how she’ll go on with the written part. hehe.  One of our neighbours takes her bonkers border collie to the same class and after school she came down to ours for a brew (cup of tea to non lanky folks. When I first moved her as a small child I’d never heard the expression, ‘brew’ before, it conjured up all sorts of images of witches and cauldrons. I was so disappointed to find out what it really meant).  While we sat outside enjoying the late evening calm and quite a prettty sunset after a grim day, the dogs took it in turns to chase each other round in circles at breakneck speed. Of course poochie gave up first because she’s 3 years older and a lot less wiry that a year old border collie.

During the class the trainer had mentioned about some of the handlers having less experience than others so at the end I told him that I’ve never had a dog and I haven’t got one now. He looked at me with incredulity and enquired as to why I was training her if she wasn’t mine. He seemed more than happy with my answer that as I’m the dog walker I need to know she’ll behave.  I’m not terribly sure about his suggestion that I take over as the alpha in the pack, it’d be different if she lived with me but at the end of the day she’s still P’s dog and I think it’s only right that he’s in control. Just my opinion.

Poochie stayed over at our house last night because now she’s in the grown up class I’m not getting home till almost 10 pm.  When the cats realised she was staying they both looked in horror and after being scooted off the landing to go out for their late night pee they flatly refused to come back in again. Oh, that’s going to cost me. They’ll be venting their fury at the dog being in the house in their usual manner – by scratching at the stairs carpet till it’s in shreds.  Just tell me again why we have pets?