Tag Archives: photographer

You couldn’t make it up Chapter Two


I know you’re all dying to know the second instalment in the carpet disaster, so here it is.

The insurance man cometh this morning to inspect my poor disfigured bedroom carpet.  Stony faced and unapproachable. As he walked, or rather waddled into the house as he was grossly overweight and clearly had trouble with his legs, I couldn’t help but feel like my claim was going to be instantly dismissed on the grounds that stupidity isn’t  covered on the policy.

“How did this happen then?”

I related the whole sorry tale, not leaving out the funeral, the  wrong colour or the lack of glasses. I saw the corner of his mouth twitch and his eyes crinkle a bit as he tried not to smirk when I got to the part about not having noticed I’d spilt paint everywhere.

“Well, you know that it’s possible to get 90% of that stain out.” Mind you, it will destroy your carpet.”

Helpful, I thought.

“How old is this carpet?”

“About ten years old.  It’s not new but it’s a good one, we wanted it to last a long time.”

Obviously, that was the trick question to see if I was going to try and con them out of any money. He nodded as if satisfied with my answer, suddenly became much more friendly and filled in his report form saying the carpet was indeed destroyed as I’d said.

Which brings me nicely to today’s zero to hero challenge:

Do you have a reputation? What is it, and where did it come from? Is it accurate? What do you think about it?

Funny things, reputations.  My own feeling is that your reputation will vary depending on the context and circumstances you are in at the time.

Boofuls just walked into the room so I’ve just asked him if I have a reputation. after filling him in on the background his almost instant answer was. Yes. You have a reputation for inviting people to go on walks and then nearly killing them. ”

Hahaa  I can’t argue with that. The trouble is that I struggle with the idea that my children and grandchildren aren’t as fit as I am and can’t keep up.

At this point I was going to talk about my reputation for being stupidly honest, however. A bigger reputation seems to be pushing it’s way to the fore so I’l tell you about that one instead. 

I know, apart from the occasional blip, I have a reputation for being generally happy and cheerful with a massively overdeveloped sense of the ridiculous.  I’m generally so cheerful in fact that the staff at work think I’m on drugs.

Clients are often surprised when I burst into song as I photograph them. Once I sang Bohemian Rhapsody to a family group. That backfired a bit as the first half a dozen frames were ruined by the look of shock on all their faces. Another time I was on a fire escape staircase at a hotel waiting to shoot a wedding group shot. We were  waiting for a missing guest to arrive so I asked them if I should sing while we waited. Well, you know, it worked for Sir Cliff at Wimbledon.

A few of the guests shouted back yes. So I did. I sang, ‘I’ve got a loverly bunch of coconuts’, which incidentally, I also sang to a group of my peers while I was doing my teacher training a few years ago. The tutor, a very crusty psychologist nearly had a heart attack.

That’s the same tutor who was totally bemused one day when I got a fit of the giggles in his class and had to leave. He’d made a comment about the dogs helpline and my sense of the ridiculous kicked in and I had a vision of a beagle answering the phone with it’s sympathetic listening face on. I was laughing so much the tears were pouring down my face and I was struggling to breathe.  Of course I couldn’t tell anyone what I was laughing at, they’d have had me locked up.

Crap. I’ve just realised I am in fact a bloody nutcase. 

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Get my best side, won’t you?


 

Sunday’s wedding fair was fun. No really, I’m not being sarcastic, it really was fun. Busy, lots going on a and  few old faces to catch up with, it was almost a social experience rather than a work one.  Apart from being put on a table right next to the DJ, that is. As I was trying to talk to the punters I had a speaker blaring out vacuous muzak right next to my ear, causing me to shout and say “What”  and “Sorry, say that again.” a lot.

One chap there, another photographer is a really, really nice chap. His work knocks spots off mine but I’l gloss over that bit.  Standing and chatting with him before the show started we were  watching his slideshow of stunning images,  many with some nifty location lighting tricks. “Sigh, come on Boofuls, we might as well go home,” says I.

“You can do this stuff. Just take your studio expertise and and scale it down” says the photographer, “and if you can’t then go and look at my blog. I’ve put all the details of how to do it on there so you can go and practice it if you need to.”

I was gobsmacked. Since we’re all there chasing the same business the last thing you’d expect him to do is tell me how to make my photos as good as his. He’s obviously a far nicer person than I am, and a very humble and unassuming man to boot. I certainly can learn a lot from him –  in lots of ways.

During another chat, with the organiser this time…….what?  Yes of course I did some actual work. I didn’t just stand around gassing all day. Well, I did but that’s what we were there for. Anyway… as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. I was chatting with the organiser having watched the catwalk show and realised that some of the models were anything but. In fact some of them looked downright embarrassed.  “Would you consider my daughter, Lashes? She’s tall, slim and gorgeous.”

“Bring her in to the shop, I’ll have a chat with her.”

So, into the shop we went yesterday. The organiser’s eyebrows nearly fell of her face they flew up so high.” Look at those legs! You’re so slim! Try this dress, no one can fit into this one.”  Ziiiiip. Up went the zip, meeting no resistance along it’s journey up the silky fabric. The organiser was almost beside herself with excitement. “You can do all my shows.” Can you work Sunday? Oh my God! Where have you been? I should have been using you for years!”

There was a proper  mutual appreciation fest going on as Lashes tried on dress after dress to squeals of, “Try this, no one can wear this. Oh! It fits you! It looks brilliant on you! Oh my God! Where have you been?” She dashed round the shop finding  ‘impossible to wear dresses’ for Lashes to try on and got more excited by the second when they all worked perfectly. That’s my girl!

Then the organiser let out a loud “OH!” and stood as if in a trance for a few seconds.

Oh! We all stopped and turned to look at her wondering what had just happened. Even Munki stopped running round the large table in the centre of the floor and, just for a few seconds stopped shouting. Blessed silence.

Our enquiring looks drew the organiser out of her daze and she told us what it was that had stopped her in her tracks. She’s opening a new shop soon and want’s a LARGE  image in the window of  a girl holding a bag and the actual bag then on a plinth next to the image. Guess who the girl’s going to be? Guess who the photographer’s going to be?  Oh yes!!!!

Lashes of course is delighted with her new job and I have no doubt she’ll be brilliant at it. Well done Lashes.