This popped up on Facebook earlier. I love a good pun. A whole selection of them is even better. Enjoy!
It’s been a funny old week.
Emotions seem to be running particularly high in people this week, and it’s only Wednesday!
Just a few of the emotions I’ve witnessed are; anger, frustration, rage, sympathy, joy, fear, pain and apathy, grief, self righteousness and resignation – sometimes all in the space of a single hour.
I’ve seen people who don’t deserve it be publicly humiliated and I’ve dealt with the shocked aftermath of reactions well out of proportion for the event. Blood pressures have been bouncing off the ceiling, my own blood pressure went so high it very nearly reached normal. Tears have been flowing like rivers and hormones have been rampaging like bulls through Pamplona. It’s all getting a bit out of hand. I’m not cut out for all this excitement.
Last night I took myself off for a nice hot bath and then slipped into the clothing equivalent of comfort food – my voluminous flannelette nightie with the teddy bear print and my fluffy dressing gown and slippers, tucked myself up under a blanket on the settee and kept a low profile hoping it would all have calmed down today. Normally I’d have gone for the comfort food itself but this diet doesn’t allow for it so I had to make do with a tangerine – a poor substitute for a giant bar of Whole Nut or a box of Maltesers but it was the best I could come up with in an emergency.
Right on cue a friend sent me the following via email. It made me laugh and cheered me up a bit, hope it makes you laugh too.
Puns for those with a slightly higher IQ
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – Taint yours and taint mine.
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