Tag Archives: technology

Reset Password?


What? No! No I don’t want to reset the bloody password! I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN MY PASSWORD, YOU HAVE!!!

Use my current password you nobjockey!!GAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Locked in a series of circular resets. All I want is to get my own bloody pictures off my own bloody phone!

Why, oh, why did I upload my photos to the cloud to free up storage on my phone. Ok, There’s the answer right there in the question.
But WHY DID I DO IT?

I can’t get my photos to download. Lightroom, my preferred photo editing and storage suite, seems to think I have only seven photos on my phone, and they are not even in sequence. What the hell is going on?’

I’ve spent the last hour trying to log in to the cloud and ended up getting logged out of my Apple account and I still haven’t got my photos.

Flitting between my phone and my computer trying to make it all work. Apparently I am allowed back into my account tomorrow.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!Deep sodding joy.
I bloody love technology.

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What does ‘D’ mean?


What?

“Capital D, love. What does it mean?”

Suddenly, it all fell into place. Mr T our dancing teacher has been learning how to send and receive text messages. No mean feat for a man of his advancing years.  He’s from an era where phones were simply for talking on. The idea of a mobile phone was science fiction when he, and indeed I, were kids. How times change, eh?

Every now and then he’ll send me a message enquiring about if I’m watching  some sport fixture  knowing that I have zero interest in sport and enticing me to send  a sarky comment back. Something along the lines of; I would have watched it but I had to watch some paint dry.

He loves that. He’s easily amused, Mr T.

He sent me a joke the other week. Do you want to hear it?  Ok then.

A lady post an ad in the local paper…..looking for a man who won’t beat me or run away but is great in bed. The next day the doorbell rings. “Hi. I’m Fred. I’ve no arms so I’ll never hit you. I’ve no legs so I’ll never run away.”  The lady asks him what made him think he was  good in bed. His reply was,” How do you think I rang the bloody doorbell?”

Taaadaaaaa!!!

That was quite a good joke for Mr T. Some of them belie belief. Anyway, I sent a text back with a big smiley face to show my approval  😀

Within a couple of minutes, a couple of minutes in which I could just imagine him scratching his balls and wondering what the hell I’d sent him, I got a text back.

What does d mean, love?

I tried to explain but he just didn’t get it, so when we went to our next lesson I had to write it down  for him as he still hadn’t worked it out.  Still he didn’t get it. Then I turned the  page sideways. Then he got it.  I almost saw the lightbulb come on.  Aw, bless him 😀

He’s loads better at dancing than he is at technology and txting.

 

Toilet humour


Oh, how I can relate to this

Talking of technology but not so cutting edge, no pun intended. We had a small bathroom malfunction the other day.

Call it what you will; lavvy, loo, throne, potty, pissoir, privy, wc or any other of the myriad of names (I’ll try and use as many as I can in this post) applied to it, that invention of none other than Mr Crapper himself makes life mighty difficult when it isn’t working.

Boofuls, being the nearest handyman on call, fixed us up with an inconvenient way of flushing the convenience in the absence of any flush mechanism. It came  in the form of a large black bucket, the plan being to  collect water from the bath tap and hence chuck a bucket full of water down th’ole as way of a makeshift flush until he was able to procure the means of fixing said sanitaryware the following day.

Brilliant idea! Or it would have been had there not been the  proverbial hole in the bucket.

Unnoticed by me until it was too late, water sloshed all over the bathroom and it’s new carpet from both the top of the bucket, due to some over exuberant filling on my part, and from the bottom as the hole tried to dispatch the contents  like some slightly mad watering can.

Of course, having realised that there was a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, my technique to try and minimise flooding was to try and fling the water into the bog from across the room. That resulted in even more water being deposited on the carpet. Sigh. Not my best idea ever. Still at least it was clean water. Just thing if we’d been reduced to actually having to use the bucket *shudder*  that could have been really unpleasant!

You’ll be glad to know that normal service was resumed the following day and our khazi is now in proper working order.

How to confuse a baby


Finally Boofuls and me got round to getting some hands free sets for the car so we can legally use the phone while driving.

Of course, once we have decided to join everyone else in the 21st century we did it properly and got some nice bluetooth sets. The ..er…….jobbie, sits on the sun visor so no need for silly earpieces as sported by tosspot men all over the country who think it makes them look important.

Not that I look a tosspot pulling myself up on the steering wheel to gain a few inches and get close enough to the microphone that the people I’m talking to can actually hear me. It’s no fun being as short as a munchkin. I could really do with a booster seat.

Setting it all up was good fun. “Let’s try the voice control.” I said. Dear God, The bugger rings anyone it feels like no matter what you say. Trying several times to phone Lashes as a test call the phone rang instead: Len’s Mum, a tutor from college and the local oil company, among others. I gave up after that. How the the phone can think ‘Lashes’ sounds like “Fuel Oils R Us’ is beyond me. I’ll give that bit a miss, it’s way too stressful.

One day last week I had occasion to take Munki to nursery. On the way there Gembolina phoned me. The bluetooth set duly turned off the music, which was a bit of a blessing anyway as we were listening to kids music and my ears were beginning to bleed. The bluetooth bleeped, I took the call and Gem and me chatted away for a couple of minutes.

Happening to glance at Munki, the look of pure puzzlement on her face made me laugh out loud, or ‘lol’ as popular culture would have it. It was priceless, her little brow was all furrowed. Having a conversation in the car with an invisible person? Who……..? What…………? How……….? Uh…………..?

I could see her brain working overtime trying to work it all out. It was priceless, kept me ‘lolling’ all day.

Have any of you seen the Activia advert (I’m really talking to Brits, now) with that bird on it? I think she’s called Martine McCutcheon. Did she used to be in Eastenders or something?

I used to think that she was quite a pretty girl but in this latest advert I can’t take my eyes of her teeth. She’s obviously had them whitened to within an inch of their lives and she’s obviously wanting to show them off. I’m not surprised, it probably cost her an arm and a leg, I’d want to be showing them off as well but flippin’ ‘eck!

If I didn’t know from previous adverts that it was yoghurt she was promoting I’d have no idea what she was selling because I’m transfixed by these bloody teeth.

All I can see is this bird smiling a very odd, ‘lips drawn back too far to show of her unnaturally white and huge set of gnashers,’ smile. I know the old show biz adage is to show off: ‘teeth and tits,’ but crikey.

Seriously, watch it, you’ll see what I mean. Put me right off my yoghurt it did.

Living in a technological age


I’ve just seen an advert that has taken my breath away.  Apparently you can download an iphone app and then go round scanning the barcode of random items which you then upload to Tesco to  get said items delivered at your convenience.

That’s the stuff of science fiction films! I am constantly amazed at the advances in science in my lifetime. The mind boggles at what they’ll come up with in the future.

“Everything that can be invented, has been invented.”

That famous misquote was attributed to Edward Duell,  Commissioner of the American Patent’s Office  in 1899.  The story goes that he resigned because he didn’t believe that there could be anything left to invent. What a man of little imagination he must have been.  By ‘he’ I mean of course the person who did actually say those words, not poor Eddie who has just been lumbered with them for eternity. Gutted for him!

Can you imagine a person from Victorian times coming back for a look round now?  It’d be mind boggling, my mind boggles at it all and I grew up with it. Not only do we have phones but now we have phones that carry out all manner of tasks. Even as a confirmed Luddite I’d feel like I’d lost an arm if I didn’t have my iphone.  Alexander Graham Bell really started something with his little invention, eh?

Talking about  technology. Have you seen the news about the new Kinnect? After whining all Christmas that I wanted a Kinnect and I’d trade in my Wii to get one, I’ve since discovered that it has ‘killed’  thousands of Xbox 360’s, causing the dreaded  ‘red light of death’  and rendering  them useless.  I’m thinking I might wait a bit longer and wait till they’ve sorted out all the glitches before changing.

Did I say I was a Luddite? Hhhmm, the times they are a – changing, I think.