Tag Archives: travel

Foreign travel and strange customs make for great stories.

This story popped up on Facebook earlier. It made me laugh so I stole it thinking you might enjoy a Monday chuckle.

This is apparently from Hong Kong hotel brochure. I’m guessing not translated by a native English speaker and so much better for it!!

Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

See what I have to deal with?

Here’s an enquiry that dropped into my inbox earlier:

Hi, I am looking for any style of photography, I would love a traditional style but also with an edgy style too.

What? So let me get this right. You have no preference to style as long as it’s both traditional and edgy? Super.

Have you missed me? I haven’t just been being tardy with the blog, I’ve been trying to get to you to tell you everything that’s been going on but there’s just been so much of it. Life is anything but dull these days.

A couple that Boofuls and I know quite well phoned and asked us if we’d do them a huge favour and go on a hotel break for them. Huh? Hotel break? Do my ears deceive me?

It seems they’d bought a voucher for a hotel break, found themselves unable  to go and would lose the money of they cancelled so decided they’d like to give it to us. Fab!

The hotel was in the East Midlands. A very grand stately home. “Well, go on then, it’ll be tough but we’ll take it off your hands”, we told them. That’s the nearest thing we’ll be getting to a holiday for a few months.  I was really looking forward to it. Do you want to see where we stayed?  It’s here. Not too shabby, eh?


Source: teachers.org.uk
Source: teachers.org.uk

A few days before we were due to go we got a phone call from Boofuls sister telling us that his brother was seriously ill. Boofuls went down to see him immediately and we decided that we’d tag another trip to see him onto the end of our hotel break.

Talk about zigzagging around! We left the north west to go east and then left there to go south west as far as we could get without falling off the end of the country.

Cripes! That was a lot of driving.

I’m going to gloss over a lot of stuff now *gloss gloss gloss*  suffice to say that we were glad we went.

What did I learn from this trip? We have some nice friends. Families matter. Boofuls and me don’t spend enough time alone together. The whole trip was a roller coaster of emotions ranging from elation to devastation – sometimes in the space of a few minutes.

What else did I learn? That we need to visit Devon far more often than we do. I used to live there as a child and I’d forgotten how much I liked it. Tell me again why we live here when we could live there?

An a totally different note: Boofuls sent me this link to a Steve Martin sketch, I laughed so much the dog came in to see what was going on. Enjoy.


Booked it, Packed it…..

Booked it. packed it but not f**ked off yet. Not till January.

Ten points to you if you know where the comment above comes from. Answers on a postcard, please.

So finally The Big Adventure is underway. I’ve booked the hotel in Abisko in northern Sweden for January for our northern lights trip. WOOHOO!!!

Now all I need to do is work out how to get to a smallish town in northern Sweden in the middle of winter. I think I’ve worked out it’s going to take a minimum of two planes and two trains to get there. It isn’t going to be an easy trip this but if it goes according to plan it will be one of the most exciting we’ve ever done and I can’t wait.

Boofuls and me decided against a night in the Ice Hotel.

We discovered that the bathroom facilities are located in the main hotel, which does make sense, I suppose. It might be tricky flushing a toilet made of ice.  Then I realised with that kind of cold and our age we were likely to be up and down all night!

I didn’t fancy walking backwards and forwards to the main hotel all night so we decided to do a daytime tour instead.

Ah, the stuff you learn when you research these trips.

So other than that have I got any exciting news? Nah.

It’s been surprisingly quiet round here this week so I’ll be back when I’ve something interesting to tell you.

Have a nice Sunday.

Garlic bread?  Garlic……..? Bread…….?


It’s a bit early in the day

What the hell am I doing awake at 6.30 on a Sunday morning?

I must say I’m loving this bank holiday business, even though I’m getting my days are all muddled,  every one feels like a Sunday. It is Sunday today, isn’t it?  *checks diary*.

There was a comedian on telly last night who really made me laugh. He was talking about all the different tv channels we have now, including one called ‘Yesterday’

Can you imagine telling your already confused elderly parents that ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ is on Yesterday today?  Hahaaaaa!!

Anyway,  ahem, moving on.

Yesterday I had to take our nineteen year old  cat to the vet for her toenails cutting again. This time she didn’t get the usually obligatory antibiotic so it only cost £20 instead of the £40 it cost last time which left me traumatised for a week.

This time it was the cat who was traumatised. When we got back home I let her out of the basket expecting her to run upstairs and snuggle down in her usual corner and spend the rest of the day giving me the evil eye.

That didn’t happen at all. Instead she spent the whole of the rest of the day wandering round the house screaming at the top of her voice: “MY FEEEEET! MY FEEEEEEET!!! HELP! HELP! HELP!   Ooh, tuna and goats milk! *lap, lap, lap* HELP!! MY FEEEET!!”

What a bloody racket. There was no consoling her. At least she’d got it all out of her system by bedtime or it would have been a night on the tiles for her.

In between the trip to the vet and all the howling I managed to get the spare bedroom repainted. It’s now a lovely soft shade of hospital green as opposed to the lovely soft shade of sludge green that it was before. There is really only a few shades difference but it looks so much lighter and more feminine.

While I was doing that Boofuls continued to carry out the building work in the garden. How, I have no idea. He’s managed to pull a muscle in his back and he’s walking a bit like Galen from ‘Planet of the Apes’ at the moment.

Not much point in asking him if he fancied a walk in the woods then. He doesn’t walk at the best times. I asked Batty if she fancied going with me to the enchanted wood to take some photos.  Batty is the only other member of the family who likes walking so she snapped up my offer in no time. Off we trotted to the woods, well, actually, we drove to the woods.

Now I could have taken a hoofing great camera with me, the plan was after all to take photos but I’ve decided to challenge myself and come up with an exhibition’s worth of photos of the various moors and woodlands I walk on a regular basis, all taken on my phone. Not that I’m planning an exhibition, it’s only a project for my own amusement.

Whaaaatt? On your phone? How ridiculous!  I can hear you saying. Well, actually, no.

The camera on my phone is amazing. All the photos you’re about to see were all taken using my phone. It’s not easy having no meter to take light readings from but that adds to the fun of it. All of these photos are pretty much SOOC (straight out of camera).

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This afternoon should be FAB-U-LOUS!!  Boofuls, me Lashes and Len are going to an Argentine tango workshop. I can’t wait for that!!!!  If there’s no lesson on after the workshop I think Boofuls and me might stay for a while after and get a bit of general practice in. We haven’t been dancing for weeks and it’s starting to become an issue. Let’s see how Boofuls’ back holds out first, eh?

Our “Big Adventure” to go and see the northern lights isn’t progressing terribly smoothly. I got a quote from a travel company who I think thought of a price and doubled it.  Apart from the fact they have completely ignored what I told them I wanted, they’ve quoted almost £3000 for three nights. Crikey!!

Doing some independent research, it looks like we can’t get a direct flight from Manchester or even Heathrow and we need to stop overnight in Stockholm. No big hardship, that. Stockholm’s lovely. Except.

We would arrive in Stockholm in the evening and fly out first thing the next morning so not a lot of opportunity for sightseeing, just a night in a hotel.  Major faffage!!

Research is continuing but I need to be aware that winter is peak season in Scandinavia so things are going to book up if I don’t get a wiggle on.

It’s much easier booking a holiday to Spain or Greece or somewhere!!